The Hopeless Romantic's Meditation

The hopeless romantic is missing his love and he thinks of her

He takes his seat. The summer air is hot and humid and the faint, cool breeze is a savior to his skin. The sky is a mysterious haze that can only be seen right before the sun sets with traces of blue, red, and purple. He looks up at the ten pillars surrounding him and marvels at their beauty and strength, yet his heart is craving something more. His heart craves his love. Never in the entire history of western civilization has there been a woman so beautiful. Her eyes are a rich, deep brown that hypnotize when you stare at them for what seems an enternity, but in reality is just a brief moment in time. Her smile is the most beautiful he has ever seen. In fact it was the first trait he noticed about her and all he needed to fall in love at first sight. Her body was the finest he has ever seen. Every curve he wanted to run his hands over again and again. Her skin was softer than the finest silk, and always a cool, calming temperature against his. Her long, jet black hair that has the sweetest scent and felt so soft and sweet when he ran his fingers through it. And that voice! The Strausses could not compose a finer waltz nor could Beethoven write a more spectacular symphony.

Nostalgia is one of the most bittersweet emotions humanity can feel. It is bitter because the feelings that come flooding back can release huge quantities of regret or longing, but at the same time it is truely amazing how the human mind can bring up so vividly memories from yesterday, or years ago. He looks at the sky and he is completely encased in darkness. time has flown by him as he sits and reminisces about his love. The night air has a dead silence among him as he sits up and starts to walk. With each step he takes he remembers something that he loves about her as his bare feet leave imprints of a longing lover's footstep on the cold, wet grass.

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

"savior to his skin" is better than King James. Try cobalt and ochre, instead of the cliche colors. It'll add a POP. Impress people. Lol. His heart craves his love? Is he gay or bi in that line? Or he's in love with himself and craves his own love? Self-worship? Maybe it's s typo. no biggie. Marginal error. Her smile is the most.... is cliche. Sorry. They all say that in my ESL class. Pick long or jet black. Both is overkill. It's not central to the story, and you can't afford even one extra word. It halts pacing and kills momentum. And I got distracted by counting how many times I've had to read "long jet-black" combined with purple eyes on this sight. Very chick-lit of you. I'm so glad you didn't say "most bittersweet". I would disagree with you. As it stands, that line is in desperate need of a transition. Truly is misspelled. Marginal error. The classical references are tremendously perfect. Adds a touch of unpretentious class. Very authentic. "huge" and "quantities" imply each other. Pick one. I'd go for "quantities". I really don't care to read how much or how big the regret/longing is. That's a little awkward. The second line needs this revisoin? Just me. It's improv. It'll be cheesy.

"The night's breath is lethal and silent, enveloping him as he walks." I nixed "sits up" because I don't care. He's already walking. Why should I care that he sits up? That action is unneeded; it's implicit. I changed night air, because the line could use a twist, or the diction gets a little "soggy". I can't find a better word. The dead silence has been done. The "among him" is wrong syntax. Commas missing in the last line. I don't have to point them out. You're no beginner, and I don't want to type. I already had to waste time writing out this last sentence.

[Brittany]

I read Maidahl's comments and think...dang...I just fell for the beautiful words and she has all this technical stuff to say. Makes me feel a bit dumb...lol. I think it's sweet the way you describe her. It's very loving. I'm just a sucker for words. :-)