Warm Flame

the only way to describe this is how I survive in a very cold world.

Out in the World I shiver,so cold...so cold.

everyone I see is kissing the silver and gold.

What has happened?

 Was it always this way?

I seem to remember a warmer day.

 splinters of ice pierce my heart.

I must return to the flame so I don't fall apart.

I step into The Word and Hope springs to life, melting all those splinters of Ice.

I cry a little because of the pain.

 In this fallen world, HE keeps me sane.

 I praise His name and I give him Thanks for showing me what is right.

fully warmed and lit with his beautiful light,

 I head back to the cold dark night.

outside in the world I shiver,so cold...so cold.

I keep HIM with me and His warming flame.

I am protected by His powerful name.

 

Author's Note

I changed a few lines for a better flow.

Reviews

[Samith Pich]

Welcome to writerscafe :)

I too like the directness of this poem, and it's simplicity isn't a distraction but imbues the words with strength. I really like how you explore fire and ice - 'splinters of ice' is a wickedly painful image. I also like how you can interpret this poem on a variety of levels which leaves the reader open to make of it what they will.

Thanks for sharing

Samith

[Eychet Chayil]

Hey I am back - where are you?
Want to see/read more of your work.
You are good.
take care

[WordShifter]

I like this very much, thank you for sharing. Aloha, Ginger (WordShifter)

[MDC (Missouri)]

We spoke and you asked me for a serious critique.

Very moving: some minor editing suggestions: always capitalize His when referring to the Lord. Try not to have three lines in a row starting with I.

below is an edit suggestion:

I step into the Word, hope springs to life, melting all splinters of ice.
A little cry due to pain. then praise His name for keeping me sane.

or

Into the word I enter, hope springs to life, melting all splinters of ice.
A cry due to pain, I praise His name for keeping me sane.

You decide how you want to make your minor revisions as it is your poem and very good.

Some times if we leave it for a few days and go back, honing words it becomes even more powerful

Your work is good.
Your devotion and love to the Lord admirable.
It is edifying to see you have a working faith.

Keep up the good writing.

[whispereversolightly]

I can feel the aches, written with strong direct pains. You did a splendid job writing this and expressing your emotions.

[deeps]

This is so powerful and direct.
I enjoyed this write.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

This speaks volumes. I step into the Word and hope springs to life. Returning to that which makes us whole is most definitely the answer to all our troubles.......excellent inspirational piece.