It was Quiet

It was quiet and

I was shiny and soft and new

But it was too bright

And I closed my eyes to the rest of you 

I grew up and learned to pretend

That I understood the world

I watched and waited

As my story unfurled

I sat in the shadows 

And watched all around me

As you used your torches

To break the darkness and see

I like to think

I was part of that story

But I was made of ashes and dead flames

And as unseen as a fairy 

I stayed in the tangles

Of the wilderness

And watched the world change

As I was stuck in sameness

I saw all of you, though you didn't see me

And my spirit

Was old and worn and wise

And it was quiet

Reviews

[absent]

This poem had a haunting quality to it. Some of the images were really good: "But I was made of ashes and dead flames." The subject matter is deep and wise beyond your years (though I'm not trying to patronize you).

I do think that if you do a rhyming poem that you need to make sure your rhythm is on point, like perfection. Where some lines are too long or too short to fit the rhythm correctly, you might want to revise.

Good write!

[Rhea752]

Thx :)

[Peter H]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm rea i liked the flow and read of this one :) good poem

[Rhea752]

Thanks :)

[Ezekiel Silver]

Interesting poem. I like how well you express the feeling of being neglected and misunderstood. Nice work!

[Rhea752]

Thank you :P

[MADDYH]

Loved it!

[Rhea752]

Thx :)

[Rahul]

A deep write and having some nice points to think. It's about pain, love, memory and all about related to love/shadow, very nicely penned, great write. lovely thoughts as well, theme is nice and words're powerful.

[Rhea752]

Thanks ;D

[Tai Ryens]

It was really good, though somehow it seems a bit strained. Well done, nonetheless.

[Rhea752]

Thx :P

[Aehr]

I loved the depth and the imagery of this poem in particular. You are a very talented writer. :) These were my favourite lines:

I like to think
I was part of that story
But I was made of ashes and dead flames
And as unseen as a fairy

Great job :)

[Rhea752]

Thank you so much :D

[Aehr]

Anytime :D