The Beloved Boy

This is about a boy who changed my life forever, and how he broke my heart.. Even though i was miles away from him at the tim, it felt like he was right there holding a gun to my head ever so sweetly.

i don't want you.
We speak and I already feel the weight sweetly,
Seductively settling right on my heart.
That which I must guard for it is what keeps me.
Guard it because it is fragile

You have surrounded it before.
Threatening to press.
And even before then, played with it like a durable toy.
It is not.

You held it in your rough hand and smiling that
Manipulative smile
As you tightened your grip.

I told you in was uncomfortable so you distracted me.
You convinced me that it didn't really hurt
But that I had convinced myself that it did.
So trustingly in love, I believed you.
And so deceitful, you smiled and sank your fingers
Into the frail chambers of my heart.

Then right as my heart would finally burst,
You let go
Left. Gone. Never to return.

So I thought.

Again, you have now crept back into my life.
But I see differently now.
The way you had me trained to think, I have now lost sight of.
I can think for myself,
I know how to guard my heart now.
And I don't want you.