Paint The Sky

Paint the sky--
every star--
one thousand tears I've cried.

I walk beneath the stars
with teardrops rolling down my face,
falling to match my quickened pace.
I really need to be alone,
but even still I'm walking home
because people are waiting on me.
Everyone is relying on me.
Always me and never them--
every time, again and again.
every problem is my fault
every mistake--
All.My.Fault.

I walk as I paint the sky--
every star--
one thousand tears I've cried.

I need to walk,
but I'm headed home
all I need is to be alone.

For every thousand tears I cry another star paints the sky.

Reviews

[Alex Zynder]

this is something everyone has felt, but at the same time specific to you, i feel like i can really see how you felt writing this.

[Alex W]

I'm a big fan of this piece, reminds me of how I felt a year or so ago.

I'm a much happier person nowadays though lol.

Kudos.

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

I really love the idea of this poem. The constant '--' through me off and I don't think you need them in most of the places where you have them That's the great thing about poems. On that note, try taking out all the punctation, and see if it flows better; I have a feeling it will give more of a 'rushed' feeling that the speaker might be experiencing since they are making their way home. Hope these suggestions help!

"I walk beneath the stars
with teardrops rolling down my face," -- You could omit these two lines and the poem would still be as strong, if not stronger. These are redundant since your first few lines already suggest this. These lines make it repetitive and some of your readers might consider this being an overkill.
"I need to walk,
but I'm headed home
all I need is to be alone." -- omit these lines as well. I think you could write something here that shows what the speaker finds beautiful; why she would rather walk under the painted stars. I hope that makes sense.
"For every thousand tears I cry another star paints the sky." --- Love this line. It is the strongest line in the poem.

=YourMidnightSecret=

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I guess all of this pain gives birth to something beautiful. When the tears all go away it will be a beautiful sunny day, but somewhere other people are enjoying this beautiful night. They dont know the price that is being payed for it. The weight on these shoulders seems unbearable. This is a testament to how tough it can be to have to hold everything together. It seems to be a curse to have this strength. Its heart breaking to see this broken spirit have to hold itself up. There is a lot between the lines here. That is quite an accomplishment.