02/12/2010-Untitled

Her reflection stares back at her
her hand reaches out to meet cold glass
no warm envelops it
The music in her head cries for her
On the outside she is beautiful
but inside she has died
Like silver rain falling is her melody inside
But no one ever hears it
She draws back her hand
and whispers to the wind
no one understands her
but she will not give in
Slowly like shes dancing
her hair slides in a caress-
her hands dance-
they glide
to create the music in her head
is impossible
It is a tune only she will ever know
Only she will ever smile
only she will ever cry
because she tries so hard to show it
but cannot-
for She is only I

Author's Note

Ignore grammatical errors please.
And if anyone has a title suggestion please tell me!

Reviews

[Devons]

This is a really nice poem. Mysteriously introspective and nicely flowing; nice satisfying rhyme scheme. It depicts in quite an interesting way how the inner self can only be recognised truly by the individual; the beauty left unseen by all else. Never quite possible to betray the soul to others with justice. Good lines ..
"to create the music in her head
is impossible
It is a tune only she will ever know"

Very good.

NB. On a technical note I notice this line is a little too much and could be trimmed: "but inside she has died; Like silver rain falling is her melody inside" ....A lovely image but you don't need to repeat the word 'inside' again as it has already been said and it spoils the rhythm. Better to cut the word 'inside' after 'melody' and leave the rest as it is. The next line takes care of the reference.

PS. Title: "Silver Rain" ? "Soul Music" ?

[A.Lee]

I agree with Coyote's comment. You can feel the emotion in it but it isn't sad. More like "I accept my life for what it is" maybe add an "unfortunately" at the end of that. But its really good. Really well written. You could call it 'Reflection' maybe.

[LostCauze[:P]]

Great poem, love the ending. Its like human individualism, no one will ever understand you besides yourself. Keep writing.

[rash]

neat. i liked it. interesting. are you depressed?

[Karla Bardanza]

Divine poem!Exalt!

[Coyote Poetry]

A poem with a feel of loneliness and disappointment. Not a sad poem. Like the person in the poem accepted their life as is. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This poem is wonderful. I noticed that she was beautiful and that almost seemed like it was a curse. It's one thing to be hurt, but the thought of being crushed inside and have no one notice is just unbearable. Some of the details you put in are amazing, but your writing style so smooth they can go right over one's head. Things like touching the cold glass. It's almost as if her reflection had to reach out to her, but rejected her, letting her know that it wouldn't if it had its own choice. The silver rain is a nice touch too. Rain is comforting to some, but to others, it's a blessing because it hides their tears. This sound is the inspiration of many beautiful Haiku's in the far east and also an integral part of many melodramatic songs birthed in Seattle. This poem is sad, but I hope that wind wont give up on her and finally carry her voice to a person that understands.

[Raven Radke]

..lovely..
..I would call it 'My Life's Melody'...
..very well written..
..no lines need to be fixed at all..

[Jeff Bresee]

I would call it 'Cold Glass'

I would also remove the last line...I already knew (not sure how but like it that way) the the she was I.

I would try to tie the ending back into the mirror/reflection that the poem started with......somehow :-)