Night Like This

I wrote this during the writing test today. After I finished of course, psshht.

Her body rest

Upon a midnight cloud

As the sweet night air

Takes my want and will

 

In this shallow grave

We rest forever

 

Her silver eyes

So full of want,

Stare into the Gothic Sea

Treacherous beneath

A twisting sky

 

Bolts of gold

Enflame the clouds

Showering rain

Across her sweet lips

 

Her raven hair

Braided into the sky

I looked into her world

And I started to cry

 

Her face reflected

In shadows of want

As her eyes stare

Deep into mine

 

We'll carry each other

To the End

And here we'll rest forevemore

In a shallow grave.

 

 

Author's Note

please if grammar and spelliong are the only problems you see, don't make a big deal......

Reviews

[.]

I like the mysterious power to the piece. *smiles*

It alludes to dreams and days together with one that is at the moment beyond touch in the world of the living. Perhaps a fancy that drifted past and caught the mind, twittering it to delve into weaving a tapestry to satisfy the day dream.

Anyways...That's what I got from it.

Great Ink!
Tara M Stone

[Fallen Angel]

I have never known you to write something so deep with so much meaning behind it. I love this poem I like the way that you wrote it and I like the way that you put yourself into it. Have I read this one before? I feel like I read it at school.

[Free Writer]

Wow this is deep and wonderfully good! I can picture everything very clearly. Keep writing! :)

[Tori]

Ohhhhhh....okay. Are you going to tell her these are about her? You can't lie to me, so don't deny it! But wow, this is one you could tell her! But they are great. Very good description and all that. The flow was great and really painted a picture....heehee.

[CircusNerd]

it's exquisitely articulate and the flow is great :) awesome job :)

[That Weirdo You Just Mi..]

It's beautiful. My favorite line is "Showering rain across her sweet lips" It's amazing. I love it and I love you

[Holly]

AS you already know, I like it. I think I like this kind of your writing better than the other; it's easier to understand. I'm glad I got to re-read it. I missed a lot due to you talking after telling me to read. Anyway, good job.

[deeps]

This is wonderful
I really like the emotion in this write.
Wonderfully written