The price

delving deeper into my darker side ;)

Alone. Alone. Alone. 

Time fermenting like decaying flesh

slowly rotting off the bone.

Alas I hear a tone.

Interrupting silent nothing 

quiet manifests a moan.

Seething sounds grow deeper

all throughout my concrete home

as the chills consume my body 

whilst they morph into a groan.

My skin as cold as stone

emanates a chilling tingle 

as a ghastly sight is shown

coalescing out of nothing 

the reaper perched upon his throne.

Outstretched finger pointing at me

as to claim me as his own.

Hissing orders to obey him

or forever writhe in the unknown.

Pleading to my escort 

that my fate may be postponed,

he gestures with his finger

that my deeds won't be condoned.

As he parts his mouth to speak

voice so ghastly monotone,

he assures me I must follow

~that my life was just a loan.

I had thrown it all away

and what I've reaped

must now be sewn. 

Author's Note

enjoy..

Reviews

[alifeacoustic]

Superb. Your writing on the darkside of the mind has a very natural, gothic and Poe-esque feel to it, with each line feeling that it is keeping pace with the heart beats in a slow and rhythmic flow until the conclusion where you pay the price for what is essentially a punishment for thinking differently. Wrap it up in a shirt and tie and you would get a promotion for thinking differently in a business environment, but outwith it, you are doomed to your fate.
Loved it. Flows perfectly.

[revalatia]

well thank you very much :) much appreciated from a fine poet as yourself ..u rock

[alifeacoustic]

Yay, I rock. I thought I was awesome but it's nice to hear it from someone else :)

[Max Watt]

Very confrontational and with a lovely flow. I only wonder if you can paint in more colours than the constant 'one' rhymes throughout. They become monotonous fast. Lotta good stuff there though, and some lovely imagery.

[terry smith]

Great piece...i know the reaper well...'cept i call her Death..

[Chris]

Ghostlets' fingers scrawling scrolls of darkness themes and cheshire simililies wriggling behind opined eyes enlightened teasings... a nice intro to beginnings.

[TL Boehm]

strongly penned with dark ink. Introspective and chilling. We all have this side I think. Bringing it to the surface helps us deal with it in ourselves and in others. And I concur. We don't get away with anything.

[Alessander]

First of all, the beggining hooked me. Alone. Alone. Alone. A very strong start.
The 2nd detail I noticed was the rhythm. It was very smooth. It wasn't all that choppy unlike some other rhymed pieces I read on here. So, I did a quick scan, and whether you meant to or not, it's mostly iambic/traichaic with a few variations, which isn't bad since it keeps the rhythm from becoming monotone. Whether you did this consciously, or not, doesn't really matter. Either way, it proves you have an ear for cadence/feet.

I think that's why it has an Edgar Allen Poe feel to it, and I could definitely see you writing this after maybe reading some of his works. The other part which I found Poe-ish was your sticking to the rhyme scheme. Alone/bone/tone/moan...

And you hold the rhyme scheme all the way to the end, which is impressive. All this while telling the story and presently an forboding force/figure/presence and wrapping it up in a biblical proverb.

You get extra points for difficulty levels like in the Olympics lol

Anyhow, I did read some of your stuff before sending a friend request, and I'll prob be stopping again soon, rapping rapping at the chamber door.

[revalatia]

Dude. Your review of my work is amazing. Thank you very much for reading it. Although pleased with my writings at the time, I often reflect obsessively, noticing every flaw, or aspect that could have been improved. ..Until I ponder why I even write at all. ..I know it is a way to freely express myself, but I try to make it into an artform of sorts.. ...Lately I haven't picked up a pen due to lack of inspiration.. I have some now! Thanks again! :)

[Alessander]

Well, I stopped writing for a good year, and seriously thought I might not write again. It happens, for various reasons. For me, it was more "i gotta stop, or die or go crazy'. So I hit the pause button.
There's also the "paralysis by analysis" syndrome, which sounds more like what you might have been doing. Some good liquor usually cures that, well, at least for me lol

[Pax Analog]

Would make a good death metal song. Funny thing is, it's not really dark to me. If one follows and identifies entirely with the life/death cycle of form, this could be a normal scenario. ;-) I do think there are numerous postmortem destinies contingent upon the incredible range of Consciousness Itself.

Anyway, this poem pops, is a strong song lyric, & a tonic slap in the face for anybody afraid of the destiny of live meat.

[revalatia]

Thanks for that review, man.. makes me feel like writing :D

[SonOfPlunder]

Nice piece, perfectly worded

[revalatia]

thank you man :D

[Pól]

really good
(damn 25 characters...)