Off the Cretan Track chapter 47

Nick's torment

"What? But…but… How? How can you be?" Nick stuttered, suddenly cold with shock.

"I stopped taking The Pill," Jen replied sheepishly.

"You what? What the hell… why? What…what were you thinking of?"

"Don't be angry with me Nick," she said, taking a few steps towards him in appeal. "It didn't agree with me. It was making me tired all the time and…"

"Oh right, we can't have that, can we?" he said, bitterly. "Because then you can't stay up all hours of the night, working." He paced the room, incensed and in disbelief. "Who cares about that anyway; why didn't you tell me?" he shouted at her. "Okay, come off the pill, but tell me for God sake!"

"I was going to tell you, but… last night, everything happened so fast. You didn't give me time to think," she replied defensively.

"Last night. Wait, when did you stop taking the pill?" he asked.

"Only last week. So you see, I haven't had a chance to tell you."

"Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, Jen? I didn't know; you should have stopped me! Hold on, but it was only last night then? That was the only time that we did it unprotected?" he asked.

"Yes."

He exhaled, feeling a little of the pressure lifting then. "Well, okay, so you may not be pregnant then. It only happened once," he reminded her.

"I know, but I can't help thinking that I might be," she replied, placing her hands over her stomach.

His eyes shot to her hands in wide eyed horror. "But you don't know that!" he answered in panic.

"No, I don't know for sure, but there's a chance I might be. We weren't protected."

He growled and began pacing again, his hands holding his head. "Okay, so how long do these things take…to know for sure?" He couldn't believe he was asking that. This couldn't be happening to him. Not with Jen. Please not with Jen. This wasn't how things were supposed to go.

"I'm not sure," she answered.

"Well about how long? Round about," he pressed.

"At least a month I suppose," she said.

A month. A month of not knowing. But he needed to know now!

"What are we going to do?" Jen asked. "If I am pregnant, you aren't going to leave us are you…me and the baby?"

He swung his head to her then with an angry glare. "What do you take me for? Do you think I'm going to desert my own baby… especially after what happened in my own childhood!" he shouted.

"No, I'm sorry babe. I know you wouldn't do that," she replied shakily.

Nick had actually never seen Jen so unsure of herself and nervous, and it made him feel guilty for reacting in the way he was. But the only reason he could think of for why she would fail to tell him about The Pill, was because she wanted to trap him in that relationship. Why else? God this woman was so psychologically disturbed to even think of doing such a thing.

"I'm going to bed, and Jen, I'm using the other hotel room. I need time alone. We will wait a month, or until you know for sure if that's sooner, and then I'll think of what to do. For now, I just don't know," he said, turning to leave, feeling utterly drained.

Then a thought hit him and he swung back to her as he reached the door.

"Oh and Jen, if there is a baby, I'll be there for it, and I'll also stick by you for now; for now we act as if nothing has changed. But you tell no one about this until we know for sure. You hear me," he stressed, pointing a finger at her. "And even when we know for sure, you leave me to tell my friends. I'm not kidding Jen, you go behind my back on this and I'll never forgive you." And with that, he stormed out.

If she wasn't pregnant, then no one need know that they thought she was, and nothing will have changed. But if she was…

Nick practically ran upstairs to their original room to collect all his belongings before Jen got back there. Luckily he beat her to it, and then went in search of the other room he had booked that night.

The room brought him a little relief, with its clean smell and lack of presence of anyone in it. No memories, no hint of Jen's perfume, the layout and decoration was even different. He threw his suitcase down on one of the single beds, and himself down on the other.

"Oh Sal," he said in a half whisper, covering his face with a hand as he wept, "I'm so sorry; I've messed everything up. You deserve better than this, so much better. You're better off without someone like me."

Once alone with his thoughts, the idea that Jen really might be pregnant began to torment him. He began to believe the worst, mostly because it would be his punishment for sleeping with Jen last night when he knew it felt wrong. He knew that there was no love between them, but he'd gone ahead anyway. And now he'd lost any chance of happiness with Sal. He felt so heavy with grief and regret as his body shook with great sobs. He'd always known all along though, that him and Sal were too good to be true. People like him never got to be with people like her, but it had been so wonderful for the time he'd had hope. All of last summer, and particularly their time in Matala, had been the best times of his life. He'd never forget that. He'd hold it in his heart forever.