Feeling Emo in a Cold Shower

12/19/09 Also older than newer. I will always remember this day.

The most real thing I feel is cold,

The water snaking down over my shoulders, arms, fingertips…

I could stand like this�"enveloped in the chill�"forever.

Pay no attention to the radio, the time, the life outside this shower.

Just collapse and let the drops stream over all of me,

Cold and soft and fluid,

Something like the opposite of a high…

I always did like my lows.

I feel almost ready for a casket, the way my skin is turning paler,

And I never thought I’d cry so little over pangs of longing embedded so deeply

But I guess the cold numbs it all enough.

Because the only thing I see is the blur of water streaming through my hair,

And all I feel is cold falling on warm, falling toward the drain,

And finally, I feel clean enough to confess my sins as if they weren’t mine.

The past is a separate part, and I am something else,

Set apart, sulking over mistakes in a very cold, white, echo-filled place.

I’d stay here forever if I could.