Solo Fierce

Something a bit older than not.

7/13/09

Shaking, adrenaline, sweat, heat and
I feel strong. Empowered.
I am feminine, masculine, simmering and quivering
from this crystal-clear-cut vison (cuz hindsight's always 20/20)
I will be accepted, loved and valued, respected,
romanced and played, lied to and saved,
because I deserve it.
Orange skies, lucid dreams and white rabbits,
breath hitching in time to tick tick tick tick....
hiccup, fumble, save, realease.

One more trip to wonderland. Under-my-sheetsland.
And I like my empty bed.
Not worried about waking anyone, being woken.
I like my hollow head,
plenty of room to put what I learn.
It's my hands that long for something to hold,
so I'll take my heart back, please.
And lovers never knew what my "I love you"s meant.
Never saw the torment I resigned to soon as I spoke it.
The finality of my affections and afflictions.
Whatever's needed; it's what I'm trained to see.
And you don't need a woman to remind you, just to charm you,
with shadowed eyes and ruby lips.
I'm not her; don't try to make me her.

I am jeans and tanks, men's button-downs and miniskirts.
dark colors and boots. converse and thick glasses. eyeliner. black nails.
heart-on-sleeve, tongue-in-cheek and eyes-on-you.
I am sexy in my head, don't give a s**t what you think.
Not into thongs. Sorry.
And yes, I lust, but I don't rush and I won't push unless pushed.
I am black, pink, blue... the colors of a bruise.
I am restless. I am endlessly discovering and recovering.
And loving, always loving. even while hating, loathing, destroying.
I need someone who will love me like my friends do,
not someone to run and cling to, but to pull to.
You need another quick fix, one with a big bag of tricks,
a mistress divine and refined resigned, like I, to love.

You were my ocean, deep.
Waves and salt and sand.
Cold enough to kill at times.

I hope entirely that you can be my water once more,
but I sincerely doubt it cuz
I think you put this fire out.