God and Money Can't Coexist

Is this what it comes to,

When you’ve tried and they keep

Saying no,

Not yet.

And you’re too scared to try again,

Cuz

You know

There’s someone better at what

You want to do.

 

I’m cashing bonds just to pay rent,

And they were supposed to buy my wedding dress

When I had my “once upon a time”.

My time is up, and I’m broke,

And my own parents didn’t even help me through school.

Wouldn’t ever pay my phone bill

Or car insurance.

I’m left alone to take my first steps in the world.

 

I’m alone and I’m scared,

And I don’t really believe in a God right now.

Cuz if there was one,

I wouldn’t be here.

 

When I close my eyes,

I feel the butterflies turn to crows,

Tearing up my insides with panic and nervousness.

Fear palpable in my mouth,

Like the taste of blood, but colder.

 

Sitting still is resisting letting the tears fall,

Refraining from smashing everything out of frustration.

 

I want out.

I want to start over.

Give me something to do,

Somewhere to go,

Some way to get there,

Something to get paid for.

I need it to live.

 

Let the devil keep my hands busy,

Cuz waiting is making me crazy.

Author's Note

All spelling "errors" are intentional.