The Fear is the (Bitter)Sweetest Part

 

 

 

 

There’s next to nothing standing where I used to be,

And moving underneath, the current deepens.

There’s no plunging cliffs, no walls to step off,

Arms stretched like wings, eyes closed

Just each small step I take toward you,

And I see you, but I don’t believe yet.

What am I so scared of?

 

I should be afraid of your kind after the wreckage of a heartfelt life they’ve left of me,

Head buried in hands, choking on my tears and wrenching up the deepest pain from the lowest.

It’s as if I left the damage to wait on you, wish on you, that you’d notice, and you saw

But how long?

 

Forever’s a long time, but I’d like to find it.

Haven’t ever felt so choked up on my own words,

Left to revel in the possibility, the agony,

Should honesty prove less than effective, I’ll be lost.

Contingency lies on the liars, cuz maybe that’s all I’ve ever understood,

And come to expect deception.

 

I know with every bit of disclosure, I sign up on the masochist list, letting open the most vulnerable,

As if asking for the pain, submitting to the idea of someone understanding

And I left my selfishness the night I realized, one look in your eyes and I recognized the feeling,

I rue the time spent healing just to try for you.

What am I so scared of?

 

Fear ruins some of the greatest things,

And I’d be lying if I said I haven’t lain awake with the same damn questions as always before,

And some new ones.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not desperate to know you cuz something makes you seem impossible

To me.

And to me,

You could possibly,

Maybe be

A reason to be better.