Me and my dad's tailwinds

A long ago look back on my childhood over coming a nightmare

Me and my dad's tailwinds!

The cross patterns of my childhood scars

forms patterns like that of a road map

threw darkness exits and off ramps

Never folded all ways open to pain 

another invitation red black purple and blue

they hurt for awhile after still stinging

the welts and the bruises 

Dense sharp twisted criss crossing touching

peeling thumping pulsating unwanted

in a closet storage place

Hateful tears fall free flowing out out unwanted

sacrificing me nothing into a corner by myself

melting melting melting away vapors

I don't like it when the lights go out

MY mother screamed loudly

that's enough that's enough 

that child has had enough stop it

Dad really laid it on me this time

his eyes was red with fire in them fire in them

He hated it when I would day dream smile and pretend

drift away off somewhere else WHITE and not BLACK

Never said he was proud of me for every straight A+

He would make me feel Dense lost and small

invisible Distance

Block me push me, Block me push me

Block and Push me

He saw in me me what He could have been All things that!

He had lost as a Black man poor soulist ignorant and Beaten

Every little thing I did He would just about tear the skin

Off of my soul

inch by inch by inch by inch

swing by swing by swing by swing

So I lie to doctors who camly ask me 

How did my arm get broken my face face bruised

See I knew that sneaky look he gave me behind the doctors back

and I knew that Once again Lucifer was smiling once again he was smiling

again

I sad I did it to myself I did it to myself out of fear

just to satisfied his ego

and his Drinking

My headace get's worser and worser  worser and worser

Every time I hear his voice

When I smell him coming in my direction

Sometimes I drown in my own fears and tears

can't make willingly back to shore

there's a tailwind blowing blowing off the pear

My winters stays forever He freezes my soul

When he looks at me from another room

that sickening smile of assurance

My Jr. high school teacher has seen a change in me

a deep deep change in me

He whispered privately to me

He said I'm no longer charismatic and free 

eager to learn not centered I'm out on a limb

why won't I tell him what's wrong me

He said sometimes he doesn't even recognize me

What happened to all my dreams you told me

I looked him in his eyes and I sad to him 

ALL MY dreams are now SAND

He gasped holding his chest

I walk away saying 

I said it's just Me Never mind Never mind THE tailwind the tailwind is blowing

off the pier

I only know what's choking me what was choking me 

I wasn't sure if Dady ever loved me

So I walk away leaving him thinking It's just a phase 

that I"M going threw 

there was a time when I couldn't lay on my back

my back

I made a mistake and I knocked over his DRINK

one day squeezing pass him out of fear

I thought I was a slave tied to a tree

in my mind I was holding on to an invisible tree

and untill he was finished 

I looked away and I screamed over and over again

I had to look away and scream

I ask GOD when I was alone 

Which way is my tailwind blowing the tailwinds blowing

he said it's blowing you 

HOME!

 

Reviews

[JBerkerz]

Keep writing please, Robert. Captivating piece that can speak to a lot of people. ^Never cover up for an abuser, something I wish I had not held to myself as a young person, speaking your truth is powerful and those who understand will support you.

[John the Baptist]

Well, the Bible says spare the rod and spoil the child, but here we get a description of overkill. We must wonder what the grandfather was like, whether his actions led to. the creation of a sadist. We must wonder also if the speaker will ever heal from his emotional scars.

[Pete]

well described - perhaps too well. a brave, sad, aching tale. we mustn't let life experiences hold us prisoner although easier said than done. kudos for your honesty and being real in an often artificial world.

[Coyote Poetry]

My father was a angry Ojibwa/ Mexican man who served in the Korean war. He went AWOL often. Took me learning his life to understand him. I felt the struggle in your words. I believe life is a hard teacher. We do learn. Thank you Robert for sharing the powerful and worthwhile words.
Coyote

[Marie]

An abusive relationship with a parent is extraordinarily painted in the depiction of this poem! It is a very poignant write, heart breaking to read, Robert. I pray you no longer live in that environment? Never cover up for an abuser, no matter who they are! There are people who will protect you, keep you safe when those who should love, protect you, keep you safe don't fulfill their duties and obligations. I am soooo sorry for all you have gone through and I am so happy you have come out the other end. It is wonderful therapy to put all the negativity down on paper, get it out of your head and allow peace to enter. Please keep writing, it will benefit you so very much, Robert. Well done! You are stronger than you think! Thank you for sharing, dear poet...