Freedom from pain, freedom to gain

Luminous, white crystals drip from the black sky on this erotic, spring night and the sweet memories return. The warm air melts my cold, frozen heart and I feel alive again. I hold onto the happiness that I once had but is fading within me. The sparkle in my eye is now a dark stone that clouds my poisoned mind. My spirit continues to graze the unknown lands leaving me alone, lost, and confused. I am searching but cannot seem to find what I am looking for. I am walking but cannot see. I am breathing but not functioning. I drink but I still thirst for greatness. I am living but not making a life.


Broken love, toxic liquids, vast pollution, lustful actions, lies, secrets, and corruption are leaving me blind and badly bruised. I am completely shattered beyond repair. My mistakes of yesterday create fear for tomorrow and make today almost unlivable. Sleepless nights, nauseous mornings, intoxicated days, and another broken heart was never the reality I dreamt of. I have abandoned my post and the consequences will likely be imprisonment or enslavement but the taste of freedom breathes heavily down my spine.


Days continue to pass me by as fast as a beating water drum. I have no recollection of the recent months because it was spent in darkness and isolation. The sun rises and falls a thousand times over again and each day is the same. There is no innocence in my intentions, only complete numbness. My wounds reopen and the salty waters of the overbearing ocean tides sting so torturously that I cannot bare another day. These troubled waters are getting harder to tread. I take refuge in a silent prayer of forgiveness, as the storm ravages over me and the currents take me under.


My cry for help is like the howling of a lone wolf and turns a compassionate ear in my direction. Nearly giving up, I see a tiny glow of hope off in the distance. The massive hurricane winds which prevented me from seeing the Red Road diminishes and the path is finally clear. The pains in my legs greatly subside which were caused by traveling hundreds of miles, never leaving the same spot, going absolutely nowhere.


I am ready for these hurtful memories to be washed away forever. I am eager to stop this bullet from seeping deeper in my heart. I am fighting an endless battle and I must surrender to the flaws of my existence. I must learn to forgive and to forget. I must learn inner peace in this chaotic world. Beauty can be restored from an ugly past and faith can shake mountains. When morning arrives, freedom will follow. At last, I have life and I feel free!

Reviews

[Tommy]

You know people say, “Forgive and Forget,” and this really isn’t hard for me to do when it comes to other’s who have wronged me, but to forgive myself has been one of the hardest struggles I have every had to deal with. I go thought moments of clarity, when my heart finds that feeling other than numbness and pain, for me this is joy, just the normal moments. Really deep writing here; this was felt!

Great Write!
RLG,
Tommy