The Power of I

My story doesn't end with an arrest.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and most cannot be undone. I've accepted less than I deserve, and let myself believe that being me wasn't good enough. I've been defeated, and only now do I have the strength to stand back up. I may have let people walk all over me before, but I deserve better. I've learned that if I don't demand the best for myself, then no one else will. I've discovered that it is the power of I, not we, that gives me the strength to carry on.

I may not be able to change what happened to me, or how I handled it, but I've learned how to stand up for myself. I may never get to hear them say they're sorry, but I know I deserve better. And from now, I'm not accepting anything less than people who see the beauty I know lies within me.

It's been almost a year since the arrest, and the toxic relationship that led me to a place of unimaginable desperation, and I've come so far. What started began as a horrible situation ended up being one of the most valuable life lessons I've learned thus far.

I matter.

I was a victim of dating violence, and for so long, I blamed myself. I truly believed it was my fault, that if I had done this, or not done that, that it wouldn't of happened. But that's not true. Dating violence is never ok, regardless of the circumstances. It took me almost a year to learn how to stand up for myself, but I should've known all along. It wasn't my fault, and it was not ok for him to treat me that way. I was afraid to speak up, afraid to escape. No victim should ever be afraid to speak up against abuse- it's wrong and if I had said something sooner, he would be in jail for what he did- exactly where he belongs. I shouldn't have defended him or tried to justify what he did, because it was wrong. There is no excuse for violence, ever.

Standing up for the truth was hard, and it took me a long to see the monster inside of him that had been there all along. It was hard to put him and the violence together- I had separated them for so long. But I realized that they were one in the same, and I had to put a stop to the lies. He may not have gone to jail, or even learned his lesson, but I finally did what was best for me, and I got rid of the power he had over me.

What I've discovered, slowly, over the past 12 months, is myself. I lost who I am somewhere in the toxic relationship we had, and it took me a long time to recover the truth of the girl inside, instead of the lies people tried to make me believe I was. Sometimes, we have to rid our lives of the people who try to poison it. It's hard to realize the strength you have inside of you, because you don't know it's there until you have no choice but to find it. I speak from experience when I say that it's there, because I've finally found mine.

For the first time in a very long time, I get to start living. And I'm going to do so with the knowledge that what I've gone through is less than I deserve and from now on, I have to stand up for myself. I can't let people take advantage of me anymore. The arrest, the scars, they're all a part of my ever-growing story, and I hope to use what I've learned to help others discover the potential that lies within if they take the time to see it. If you don't respect and believe in yourself, then no one else will.

So don't ever be afraid to stand up for yourself- you deserve better because you matter. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently. What we all have inside of is pure and beautiful, and we should never let someone take that away from us. Because we're good enough.

We matter.

The power of I is a million times stronger than the evil forces trying to work against you and tear you down. You choose when you fall- it is no one's decision but your own.

Reviews

[soliloquy]

Well said....there is great honestly and wisdom here.