kind eyes

a heart break.

He slid his fingers through the loose hairs hovering over my cheekbone

His eyes seemed kind

My mother had told me not to trust a boy with such kind eyes

she told me i'd get lost in them

she was no closer to being wrong than i was to calling him mine

He slid his jacket over his shoulders pulling at the sleeves to straighten 

his strength seemed peaceful 

My father had warned me not to trust a boy with such strength

he told me i'd lose against him 

he was no further from being wrong than i was to calling him right 

He slid his hand across the steering wheel as we turned into my street

His lips seemed sweet

My best friend has told me not to trust a boy with such sweet lips

she told me i'd get lost in them 

she was no closer to being wrong that i was to feeling his sweet lips

He slid across me to reach for the door to let me out of his s****y car

His cologne seemed fresh 

My sister had warned me to not trust a boy with such cologne 

she told me i'd be weakened by it

she was no further from being wrong than i was to tasting his cologne 

His eyes were as kind as the stars shimmering down on each and every stranger

His strength was as peaceful as the water streaming down a water feature

His lips were as sweet as a candy treat after a day of hunger

And his cologne,

His cologne was as fresh as his body when they found him the next day. 

Author's Note

This is my very first piece, please provide me with feadback.

Reviews

[Delmar Cooper]

I like the macabre tingle of this piece. I felt the jaws of the trap close on me in the last line. If I have any suggestion it would be to let the trap creak a little before you spring it, just a brush stroke or two of foreshadowing , a hint in a word choice or two.
But, awesome writing , especially in the thematic repetitions.

[renaes reads]

Thank you very much.
I rushed this a lot, I can see now when looking back over it but it seems that rushing seems to work for me.
Thank you very much for your review x

[Delmar Cooper]

If you must rush to write then rush. It is so much better than procrastination, my forte'.

[Desiree O'Neal]

oh snap..this was really interesting.

[lessa (kenzie)]

so very descriptive and so wonderful. I enjoyed this write

[renaes reads]

Thank you so much x

[KCthelastboyscout]

This is a big wow!! Beautifully expressive.wonderfully descriptive.bravo!!

[renaes reads]

oh gosh, thank you!!