My Brother Tried to Kill Himself Today

He came home today, and the first thing he did? Make a noose out of rope and try to hang himself on my bedroom door. His reason? Nobody likes him. And in a sense, I can see why he would think that. My dad doesn’t know how to be a parent. Instead of talking things through, he yells, complains, criticizes, yells some more, slams a door or two, voices his opinions that are irrational and just f*****g dumb. On the rare moments when he’s nice, you have to be careful not to screw that up. But anyways, I was talking about my brother. He gets in trouble, quite a lot. It makes my dad go insane. He would say that it gives him gray hairs. My mom left when I was 11 and my dad slowly became miserable. I’m all that my brother has. I’m the only one that can show him that he is loved. That someone cares, that he;s not alone in this world. I’m the only one that can talk him out of running away when my dad yells at him for trivial things, the only one that he’ll listen to. So today, when he tried to off himself, It was of course me that had to stop this. Of course, I know he wasn’t 100% percent ready to die. He was scared, just like anyone sane would have been. If he really wanted to die, he would have done it. He wouldn’t have waited for me to see him first. So, I talked to him. I asked him why he was so ready to not exist. “Because nobody cares about me.” Oh….How wrong you are. Just the thought of him no longer existing, my best friend that I’ve grown up with, that I’ve watched over when there was no mother, the person that has been there with me through everything, no longer alive? Just the knowledge of that possibility puts me into hysterics. That cannot happen. I would break down. 

But I’ve never taken any parenting classes, or been in psychology, or anything that would qualify me to help him through this. But, I do have love. And I take the time to talk to him unlike everyone else. And I realized, that’s what he needs. It’s what he craves and he doesn’t even know it. He needs to know that I’m here for him. I’d do anything for him. So, like I’ve always seemed to do, I’m going to help him. I’ve got to show him that I care, that he’s not alone in this.