hold your guts

A Story by Chandler

A calm but cool breeze followed through the house.

Lights flickering on and off as though a burglar was trying to enter enter the house.

An eerie creaking came from afar simply caressing the old wooden floors.

But it's just you.

And those damn socks that seem to pedal through the empty hallways.

Those consolidated feet peering through the bottom of your socks.

Pedaling,smoothly.

I close and shut my eyes thinking the door will automatically close and lock you out. Hoping you'll sleep on the couch tonight.

Your feet inch closer and closer with all their might. Trying not to squeak those old floorboards. Inching closer and closer to the bed. You stop and pull back the covers. Rustling inching you way over to me. Inch by inch. Those long legs inch there way over. I ease one eye open to capture the bliss.

And then you stop. You turn away and look at you phone. Like you weren't already talking to him in the kitchen. I rollover and you put down your phone, and whisper lightly.

It's always the same.

I'm there now staring at a red light. Wishing it would turn green already. Making my way downtown. An unusual feat of mine late at night. Just gassing the car enough to mosey through the aging downtown area. I turn down the, "Wait they don't love you like I love you." To focus.Hoping to find something that will help my aching heart. I'm aging, but you know that. I'm only 17 for a third time. I make my way to another red light. I peer over to the right and I see this boy with a tightly bound vest and a girl under his arm, but she is clearly towering over him. How will that ever work? I see this everywhere down here. I stop and think to myself. Maybe it's not that bad you know. Maybe if I just make it work. I snap out of it. A car blows it's horn as I was turning down a one way street. I pull over willingly knowing the consequences, and try my hardest to lose control as though I was still in the car.

But a lonely feeling came over me, a tormenting tussling feeling overcame my stomach. I tried my hardest not to break down. It was hard to try and just ease my way back into my car. Like you eased your way back into the bed. I tried my hardest not to go back to you, but I did time and time again. It was never enough. Nothing but a quick fix. I needed more. I still feel that same way

that smell

that oh so familiar smell.

where did you acquire that smell by chance?

that's my mother's you know?

Pushing myself against her body.

Burying my nose deep into that soft epidermis.

The coat of skin delicately streched on her small frame.

That smooth skin and bones tucked away in my rough hands.

But, that is the way you like it.

there was something about that smile.

Her calm blue eyes that pierce at the hint of imperfection.

She will never know your insecurities.

Not because she never asked.

She has done her fair share of pushing too.

Pushed you out of the bed, the shower, and even her car.

But, she couldn't push you out of her mind.

So intrigued,but it's not enough.

Because nothing will suffice.

I grasped your clammy hands. Breaking that smile in an instant.

Troublesome girl I'll kiss you one last time.

I don't think she saw that coming. Her blue eyes filled up with a watery abundance. Now you will know where the heart is, now you will know what I fear when I sleep. That dreaded insecurity.

This will make you stronger, this will make you invincible.

Like me.