Only Memories Run On Railways

A Story by Chandler

In my mind, this was just an engine starting up. The engine starts up roaring and rattling and just like a child throwing a temper tantrum. I put my foot down on the gas with the force of a bag full of bricks to hear revving up to the screeching wheels; the wheels start to roll across the water present the night before. And for some odd reason to me this was more than just an engine starting up. This was just another ripple in the water.

I could feel a faint, but cool presence in the air; waking up to the pale blue but lively bones that I rustled and tussled with the night before. Her elbow digging in between my ribs wedged in there as though she could feel what actually was under my skin, but she's already been in time and time again. But no my birthdays over kid; she nudges then rolls over to lay her cold limp arm across my chest.

Chandler you didn't even take off your pants. Well, what a great night, Chandler. I'm glad it's over.

I'm off somewhere else staring at the spackle painted ceiling trying to remember what the stars looked like lighting up the night sky. She then reaches over for and pulls me closer to stare into those calm cool blue eyes. She moves closer.

You better hurry up and leave.... I think Matt is coming over in a few.

I pause and try to veer away from her stare.

You know what, Em. It wasn't that great if I don't remember now is it?

I peeled myself up from the queen sized bed. Looked over at the clock blinking at 9:07 A.M. Leaned over her to get my shirt that lay on the her side. Threw it over my head to feel the nail indentions from the rustling and tussling. Then bent over and laced my shoes. On my way down the narrow staircase I had to move the old queen size mattress that blocked my way to the front door. I walked outside to feel the New Jersey frost collect on my coat. I looked down at my phone see that I already missed the nine o'clock metro to work. You can define work as a place where you sometimes feel accomplished. I call work sitting in a back room filled with dangerous chemicals and sometimes develop pictures while smoking. I decided to not call in sick, but to take the nine thirty metro to the city that never sleeps. I walked on the metro shoes slick of ice residue. Make my way towards the front of the train. I saw this girl from a far. She reminded me of a girl from a book or something. She looked all lost in the big city. Her head filled with long blonde locks looking down at her magazine. Her head eased up and made eye, she blushed and her darkened to her already rosy cheeks. She was that girl. You know the one you pass and just have to turn around and see if she's staring back. I saw it in her eyes. I started to make my way towards her. My feet were inching themselves towards her until I made it past her and then stopped. I turned to her and put on my salesman face. I showed my pearly whites as though I were selling my soul to a pastor.

Hi, my name is Chandler.

She paused for a second. Looking distraught and bewildered.

No, I'm not going to rob you. But just wanting to impress you. If I cannot guess your name within a minute. I will--I will leave you alone,forever.

Her head nodded in agreement. I then reached down in my pocket searching for something to throw her askew from watching my eyes. I had to break eye contact at all cost. As I was reaching down in my pocket her eyes were soon to follow. Her pocket book eased it way open and her wallet lay flat inside with college I.D. from Princeton. It read in bold letters, "CATHERINE A. WATHALL." I paused and hesitated for a second like this was my first time conning a girl. I pulled the coin out of my pocket and began to unfurl Catherine with a flip of a coin. She looked all starry eyed in amazement and looked to me as though I were some circus side show.

So what's my name? Your minute is up, mind you.

I forcefully pushed out a laugh.

Hello Catherine with a C.

Wow you are good, Chandler. How did you do it?

I scratched through my already rustled hair.

Well, that's a real mystery but I think your Princeton I.D. car gave it away.

She pulled her purse tightly. Then sat down in the nearby seat. I too plopped down in the seat most relevant to where she was at. The sleep depravation had hit me and I had not even made it to work yet. Her green eyes reeled me in like a fish on a reel. I was intrigued by this challenge or what seemed to be a potential challenge.

Well, Chandler since you are so good I think I should treat you. What is there to do in this big city exactly.

I turn to her. Lean back in the already uncomfortable seat and interlock my fingers.

No it was my pleasure. Are you doing anything for New Year's Eve?

That's like next week boy. What do you take me for?

Cath reached down in her pocket book on the floor. Filled with books and a camera. Forcefully pulled out her phone. I stared down at carefully placed my hands on hers.

You know what. You can't plan fun. Let's just show up here same time New Year's Eve.

Catherine sighed. I had a feeling she would not be able to make it. She probably had to go eat with her parents or even plan some elaborate sorority sister party. But no that look on her face was of some boyfriend that would be jealous or even some ex. I stopped guessing.

Chandler I think that would grand. Same time, right?

She sophistically articulated her standing on that faithful day. I was scared like a confederate soldier. I felt youth hit me in the face. Given the opportune time to just walk away or just say no. Everything in me wanted that, but at that very moment. I felt that euphoria feeling come over me like I was holding a hand for the very first time. I finally snapped back. Turned to head and made eye contact. My head nodded for itself. I stood up and leaned in for a hug. I couldn't have been more love struck. Not even a mild crush, but I could not get over that feeling of that rush. I would have chased that rush until I felt the effects of it completely overtake me. I got off that train a better man than I went on. We said our goodbyes and I turned to my exit. Soaked in my own sweat. Looking back at the beautiful vessel. I had just passed and my ship was setting sail elsewhere. I eased my head back in to turn around to see if she was looking but all I could see is her on the phone. The cold draft slapped me in the face. I pulled my jacket closer and search for gloves. After tightly wrapping myself I looked thoroughly for cigarettes in my pocket. to find one loosely hanging on. All crumbled up. I went to work higher than ever. Blazing through pictures. Not misplacing a thing. Every thing was clear to me. Emily was nothing like Catherine. They are totally opposite, but the fact of the matter was I had barely known Catherine. Work flew by. The clock read 6:30 when I decided to leave. I made my way home on that same train. The rush had passed. I completely forgot about Catherine until later that night. The light flickering as we passed under bridges was calm. I got my headphones out and listened to Goldfrapp but I was really feeling Copeland's Eat, Sleep, Repeat. I walked home from the train station. To feel the overall calm night turn into my living hell. I walked upstairs to see Em with her boyfriend,Matt. Just laying there caressing the thought of me not existing. Matt rolled over on top of her and turned to me.

Chandler, when are you going to find you a girl?

Everything in me wanted to say. Well, your girl does it fine enough why would I need another one? But I didn't I just played it cool.

Well, Matt whenever I find that perfect one.

The conversation just dropped. He knew I could have whatever I wanted. That challenge was my forte. He could not win whenever I was present. Dumb as s**t. That's what he was. Emily recovered from being under him, with a face that said, "Thank You". I didn't know how to give a face that said,"You're Welcome" back. I started to rummage through the dirty clothes for something new I could show off to Cath. But by then the clock was 8 and it was Tuesday. For me the whole world stopped when House came on. I would set myself down and continuously play through every scenario in my mind. It gave me some reason to feel again, but never to trust because, "Everybody Lies." Day in and Day out Cath grew on me like a plague. I could not get the thought of Catherine out of my head. Even though I woke up to something that was amazing to me in Georgia. This was New Jersey. A completely different feel. I had to fall in love with something new. But also something younger. The taste made my mouth water. Within the week's span I completely devised a new Chandler. A better more efficient, clear thinking Chandler. It felt like the summer of my 9th grade. Everything around me was forever changing at rapid growth. I woke up a week later. Tuesday. 7:00 A.M. I rose to the new Chandler. Spending time to turn on the heater fix breakfast. Like I was going to take a test or even excel in something I could not have mastered. I hopped in the shower where neatly placed was all of the new shampoos and body washes resided. I put together a a mix that would last me the entire day. I got out of the shower. Emily stood in the door way.

Where are you going so early in the morning? Aren't we going out tonight?

No, Emily I have other plans.

She stood there in amazement. Knowing that I finally cut the umbilical cord.

Well, I mean that's fine with me. If that's what you want?

Yes, Em. This is exactly what I want.

I knew I had to leave all of this behind me. I looked at the alarm clock. NINE O'FIVE the clock read. I put my hand on Emily's shoulder and moved her out of harms way. Which at the time just so happened to be me. I placed everything I would ever need in my backpack and scurried down to the bottom floor. I blew through the front door like a bat out of hell. It was a powerful feeling. Something undeniable. I ran down the corner at record speeds. To make sure I did not miss that nine thirty metro. As soon as I made my way up the stairs. The train pulled up and inside I could see the blonde locks hanging down. She seemed as though the wind could just pick her up as skinny her legs were. I just walked up to her.

Hey what's up?

That's not what I wanted. That's the opposite of what I wanted her to say. Maybe she could have started with, " Hey, Chandler I've missed you so". Something that gives me the upper hand.

Nothing much, Catherine. What's in store for today?

Wait, you said you were doing the planning.

Oh--well, hmm let's think about this for a second. You're a party girl. You're cute. Let's just stay up.

I'm not a party girl. But I do party. You hipster you.

I lean in. I wanted to unfold her,but it's too early. The night is still young. There is so much hope in a night. More hope than a day. She hasn't recognized that aspect of life yet.

Girl, if only you knew.

She pauses looks at me in disappointed. Like she wanted me to be that circus side show act all over again. I pause and recollect my thoughts. In my head, the building of the city stops. To make people with emotions. I stop trying to build up the perfect moment, but try to perfect the moment at hand. I plop down in a seat and reach for her hands and pull her over to sit down on my lap and wrap my arms around her. She doesn't resist, but only sinks into me. Like she had been there all along. My heart warms with her touch. We decided through the holding to go and get lunch somewhere in the city, and that I would call up some of my friends with a rooftop and get a party going. She told me everything from what school was like to what her parents were like as though we had known each our entire lives. It was 12:02 now; I was just all out of stories to tell her, and her phone rang. She decides not to answer. Reaches over to my hands.

Chandler, what are you going to do the rest of your life? You can't be a college dropout forever. Living with a girl that has someone. What do you have to show for your life, lived?

I eventually plan on going back to school. Whenever I find a home. I don't think anyone has much to show of a life unless you, yourself has created a life.

She leans back just like I did. Trying to take control, but she wasn't in control. I had nothing to lose and what's a man with nothing to lose? We sat there until around 3 listening to music from my mac. Cath handpicked a playlist of her choosing and we sat there in the booth listening to music getting refills for over 2 hrs now. The afternoon started to come to a halt. I stopped by the bank to pick up some extra cash in case of emergency. Cath resided on my arm. Just forever resting there. I convinced her to let the time pass some more by taking a walk to the best diner in town. The best asian food in NYC. We had to run through traffic dodge taxi cabs and scurry through alleyways to come to the hole in the wall, "Chin Yo's". But the food was not overrated it was adequate. They even played live music. I stopped trying to win her over, and just it things be as they may. The night hit us hard. The cold started to brew an undesirable cold. Peeling off the black from my skin. Forcing myself to only pull Catherine closer. The rooftop in NYC was probably a bad idea. A mistake a 22 year old can make though. The party's music lead Catherine and I to a dark staircase. We ventured to the bottom. Where the champagne from paper cup filled our stomachs. Light headed and giggly I pulled her closer and closer until she sank into me. Again it was like the feeling I felt for her was unreal. Over the buzz from the drinking that rush came over me. Catherine locked her arms around my neck and pulled my head down to meet her face. The clashing of my boney face and hers made us both repel. Knowing this staircase wasn't going to work. I worked my way upstairs to ask my friend, Holden for keys to his car parked outside. Cath and I both scurried downstairs in a rush to get this over with went and sat in Holden's car. Where we sat there and listened to music. In all cuteness of her drunken slurs she spews out the window and turns to me.

Chandler you know what I like about cars? They have seats that can do this.

Her seat drops back. She reaches in her pocket book for something and pulls out Orbit gum. Places in her mouth and climbs into the backseat. The look on her face propelled me to venture to the backseat with her. The seat instantly popped back up making room for both of us in the back. The night began to spiral one moment we're having fun in a backseat the next. Clothes are being taken off. It's too cold for clothes to be taken off in a backseat in January. The New Year brought the new Chandler along with it. We went to sleep in that backseat. The New Year didn't hit both of us until the next morning. The cold draft blew in when Holden found us in the backseat. I peeled up from under Cath.

Hey man give us some time.

Chandler, what the hell did you do in my backseat?

Nothing you haven't already done.

Holden closes the door. I lock the door to make sure he's not coming back without notice. I look over to Cath.

Chandler, I think we did the wrong thing. We didn't do this right.

No, everything will be a l r i g h t. I promise. I would never lie to you.

This just became complicated. I just made up something I couldn't back up.

A hard aching cough starts to conjure up. I roll over in a bed. I'm not there with Catherine anymore. I'm back with Emily's arm resting on my chest. I rise up in a bed. A pale blue, but lively skin and bones rest beside me. Start to rise too. I wake to the clock blinking at 9:07 A.M. Catherine gone. An empty feeling overtakes me. All of it a figment of my imagination. Emily turns to me.

Why are you so shaken up? You do know Matts coming over in a bit.

I did not have the time for her. I just threw my shirt over my head, tightly wrapped my peacoat and raced down the stairs. Clashed into the mattress delicately resting in the narrow staircase. Blew through the door and darted from corner to corner trying to erase that this was all a dream. I had to find her. I had to have Catherine again. The train pulled up and came to a stop. I boarded the train short of breath ; heart still racing like a race horse and bumped into this girl. The bump pushed me back into reality. This girl just stood there.

What's the rush boy?

I just held unto that moment.

Hi, my name is Chandler....