election nightmare

A Story by Ryan W Mayner

a work- in- progress

ARIEL'S BLOG. November 1st- It's a week before the elections. Mom and Dad are working for the Elections Commission, going from home to home talking to people in the neighborhood and all over town- its embarassing because at school the kids talk about it and make fun of us, the whole family, not that anyone else notices; mom and dad are oblivious, they just go around with those fake smiles attached to their faces, and little Jon, well he doesnt even know about grown-up stuff and im not gonna tell him, i wouldnt want to ruin his childhood like mine did. it just got left out night after night like those pumpkins outside and pretty soon they will turn to mush and i'll have to take them out to the trash. i will probably have jon hold the bag while i scrape the orange goop off the pavement with the same scooper i carved them out with- he wont complain cause he likes the attention, he likes it when we are a team, and i like it too even though sometimes i dont want to hang out with a five-year-old when i could be chilling with my older friends, Amy and Raul; they are in high school already and they say i act just as mature as the kids they go to school with, in fact they didnt even know i wasnt in their class; they asked which home room i had and i told them Ms Jackson, and they thought about it and looked at eachother like, Ms Jackson, whose that? And then i told them, i go to Chumash, the elementary; im only in the 6th grade- they couldnt believe it! "We thought you were a freshman at Reagan!" they said. "Yeah, i get that a lot. Im pretty mature for my age. I always hang with older people." Not right now of course. Right now im sittin on the couch in the living room after school typin in my Blog entry for today while jon watches his cartoons on the tv- its CatDog right now, the opening song is on, and he's singing along: "CatDog, CatDog, loneliest creature in the world, CatDog..." Huh, sounds like me. Blaahhhh, im bored!!! Wish i could go out, but like i said, its a week before the election. I didnt really notice before, maybe cause i was just a kid, but the parents really go nuts this time of year. They will be working overtime to get their candidates elected to whatever positions, theres so many of them depending on the cause they are following- I kind of got into politics for awhile but i didnt really like it so i dont understand it when i look at the flyers they have printed up, i dont know about any of the issues or anything. They attached the flyers to candy and handed them out last night, on Halloween, as the kids come up and say "Trick Or Treat!", if there are adults with them, my parents- who dont have any costumes on- will talk the ear off of 'em about the flyer, until you can tell the people just want to leave but my parents are oblivious about things like that so i have to cut in and save them by asking "Do you like my costume?" and the people look down and say "Oh, what a cute little Angel! Ok, well, bye now!" and they get outta there as quick as they can with the parents looking dissapointed at me like it was my fault, and i say "Happy Halloween" and turn and grab my little 'CatDog' brother by the paw and take him inside and we sit and watch scary movies on tv until fall asleep and woken up when the tv screen is snow and the parents are moving me and jon up to our room at the end of the hallway, tuck us in and say goodnight. They stop by the baby's room halfway down the hallway and make sure the baby is asleep in his crib. They havent named our new little brother yet. Its kind of strange because we never get to see him. I couldnt even tell you what he looks like. He's just a little bundle of fabric that makes funny gurgling noises. They close his door partway, just a crack left open, and then go to their room at the far end of the hallway and close the door all the way. Our door is left open. I can still see the light on under the door, and hear them talking. <now i am on my Sidekick> So, things wont be the same around here this month. First the elections, and then Thanksgiving with everyone in our weird family coming over. Might as well just get used to it. They better get me something good for Christmas, thats all i got to say about that. Oh yeah, i cant remember if i wrote on here but the parents dont want to celebrate holidays anymore, its their new thing this year, but they felt guilty about not doing our birthdays cause we didnt get any presents- especially Jonathon who cried the whole day- so they decided to let us have the rest of the holidays this year; Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, just so they can tell the rest of the family that its the last one. I dont know why but i think its a stupid idea. Man these holidays are going to suck! Theres gonna be drinking, fighting, and crying. I wish i could go with my big brother Christian, he's the only normal member of our family, but he got out the second he hit 17 and he hasnt been back, he probably wont even show up for these last holidays... Well i got to go to school in the morning, im already gonna be sleeping thru the first three periods again i can tell. Yeah, my family sucks. So does my school. Sometimes i wish i could just be like Jon forever, be 5 years old and not have to know about anything. But then i wish i could hurry up and get to Christians age and be 18, and be on my own. But i dont know what i would do. Im scared to grow up. I dont want to have a ‘Permanent Record’. Ok, yeah, i know this blog tonight sucks, just a bunch of complaining, but everyone else's blog is full of gossip and bullshit anyway. Thats a new cuss word i learned from Raul, Bullshit. I'll go see them tommorrow, after school- that'll cheer me up. Yeah, i'll tell the parentals that i'm studying with Julian and Kayla, my friends from Chumash. They'll believe that because its usually true, im a good student. Im ahead in my classes though, so i think im gonna blow off doing the right thing tomorrow and go sneak over to Amy and Raul's and watch them get drunk and smoke their funny-smelling cigarettes and laugh at the tv and laugh with me. Yeah, that cheers me up just to think about it. Well alright i gotta get up in like 5 hours so this is Ariel signing off. Goodnight!

Nov 5th- Saw amy and raul today at their place. i told them I was bored and they cheered me up. Came home late and snuck by the parentals to the bedroom. i could hear them in the kitchen talking to someone, the voice was familiar, and i knew from the tone of the conversation that it was something i didnt want to hear and they were definately going to try to pull me into it but i smell like funny cigarettes that raul is smoking (and amy too though she says she doesnt, she did while she thought i was looking the other way), so i scoot up there when dad says, "Is that our little Angel?!", and mom calls out "Dear, come meet mommy and daddy's new friend!"- I've been used to that annoying tone of voice since i was 5. Its because they talk to me again like im 5. You can tell they are just so proud of themselves that they made me.

Im in my room on my laptop now. I try to keep up with this blog but i miss some days. Anyway, i wish i was an adult like raul, he's got his own home and his own business and thats why amy's with him, cause they get to have parties whenever they want and stay up late and dont have to go to school! I still dont know what i want to be, maybe i'll just marry a cool guy like amy did and we'll have a big place together. Thats only 5 years away. I think it would be fun to be a teenager. i mean im 12 now but thats not really a teenager yet. Not until you can drive and work and drop out of school if you want. Amy designs clothes. Her and i look over patterns scattered on the living room table while models walk down the runway on her tv. Raul works in construction, building homes. He comes in at strange hours and hugs Amy and they kiss on the couch and i pretend to look at the pictures but im really looking at them. Man, i want a boyfriend! I want a husband, i want to have kids: all of it! Amy is going to do my wedding, the whole thing, though i will have some creative input as well, its basically her job. We are still deciding where its going to be, but it will definately take place outside: i want it to be on a deck, with a view a romantic view of the ocean and the islands out in the bay. (The Islands, i remember, some of the pamphlet saying Control of the Islands is what the election is about-) Working with Amy, time flies... I look up and its 9pm- LATE! i run back home and upstairs so fast they never even see me- im lucky cause they are entertaining guests and wont take time out to come talk to me, so i figure im safe. A little while later there is a small knock at the door and i open it- Jon comes in- "Where have you been Ariel?!"

"Nowhere. Just hanging out with my older friends. Be quiet now im writing my blog ok?"- I feel bad cause he sulks down on the floor and half-heartedly tries to play with toys and then climbs in to bed and goes to sleep as i type away in my bed. A few hours later the loud voices calm down as if expect to hear the visitor leave, the door close beneathe the downstairs... Eventually i put away the laptop and go to sleep myself. Got a test tomorrow in History and i didnt do any studying at all, i'll do it in first period Study Hall though. At some point i fall asleep... sometimes i feel like i may have woken up, im not sure... there are vague, blurry images in front of my eyes, with the hallway light on behind them... i cant tell what it is. Then i really fall asleep, all the way.

:::: i had a dream that i destroyed the world. but in a different timeline, not this one. i wanted be One with everything, and i brought evryone to one spot in history, one point in space and time meant to lift them up, but it destroyed them... and me. There wasnt anything left.

how did i do it?

i dont know how someone could get so powerful.

it was too much-

i exlpoded, and the universe exploded with me.

everything that was and everything that had ever been, all the energy and matter went flying off in all direction past any known possible speed, beyond anything that had ever been recorded, even before time, evn befor space occured and words appeares on this page, even before the first page in existence, flown back at such an arc that it broke through to another dimension, one that had never been used before, wasnt even empty, was just a potentiality, made real now, made whole over time and apace again healed like a wound, and the scar is the background radiatin noise of the universe, barely perceptible, and the dark matter threre filling it all up.

what can be known about the unknown? i cant even write about it.

but this is only my first poem, im twelve years old.

maybe the next one will be smarter ::::

(pt2) i just want to do it again, i just want to drink and get my heart broken.

so there, i finally said something

that wasnt dramatic or ironic in some distanced way

it really is was i have to say

no bullshit

except the self-serving kind

(but is there any other kind?!)

- our hero seems to have gotten lost in there

lost his way like he always does so he can find himself in a crazy place where he never thought he would be

or she

or It, whatever, the [b]Being[/b]

as it comes round to its own conscousness, [i]Again[/i]

and thinks, so this is whats its like... to [u]Live[/u]

inside the Head.

and forgot what i was saying

Nov 7th. When Jon woke me up this morning with huge eyes he didnt even say anything he just made me follow him to the top of the stairs and you could see all these new people walking thru the house and talking loud and not even noticing us- we got dressed and ready and went downstairs and there were mom and dad looking crazy surrounded by people in the kitchen- they grabbed us and introduced us to everyone, names i cant remember, and so many faces leering at you right up in your face with cigars and beer and coffee breath and i say out loud what im thinking: "Whats going on?!", and someone responds "WE WON!!!" and they all cheer and we are surrounded by huge loud adults in the kitchen and the dining room and living room me and jon are basically passed around to be taken care of by the women who are there, they always feel sorry for us and watch us talk and stare at us while the parents are i dont know where, out on the lawn in the front yard, open up the garage and some cars pull up- its like Halloween again, like the whole street is cut off and people walk wherever they want- later on they have all gone and Jon and I are both asleep on the living room couch in front of the tv... im writing these notes in my Sidekick while the talking dies down, but even as i fall asleep while typing i still hear a conversation going on, a few loud voices celebrating and arguing something, making plans i guess... what a day... didnt even go to school today...

Nov 14th. Everythings changed. Our little brother is dead, the one without a name. Mom and Dad sat me and Jon down last night and told us. They were crying. Mom looked terrible. But then they said they had to go because of the guy, the Candidate, they had to go with him to the State Capital and do some things now that he won with their help. This is bad, this is so BAD! They tell us our little brother is dead and then they leave us with the babysitter for a week! We dont even know how it happened. It just... happened. They never even named him. Now he wont have a chance to grow up and to be a person, i cant believe it, i dont even know what to tell Jon, he just sits there staring at his toys on the floor. He doesnt even cry, he doesnt know how to react. Neither do i.

Im sorry i might not be able to blog anymore because of all thats happened. To all my friends that might be reading this, i hope you're family is safe and happy this holiday season, i wish mine was. Ive got to go now. Not sure what do, or when i'll write the next time, but, in case you didnt know- I love you guys.

Nov 20- I checked my old email today while Jon and i were staying home from school. The babysitter is in the living room watching her soap operas, i can hear the crying and fighting all the way up here. I had nothing to do so i checked my old email from a year ago before father got me the laptop. My account was still there. It had 235 messages on it, all Spam. I hit SELECT ALL and was about to DELETE when at the last second i noticed one of the names was "Revengd": thats my brother Christian! I havent heard from him since he left home a year ago. He must have heard about our brother. I didnt think the parents knew how to find him but i guess they did. I open the file and all it says, in lowercase letters looking like it was written in a hurry: "expect a surprise visit soon". I'm so excited but i cant tell anyone! Not even little Jon! Oh, man! I feel better now, i really do, i cant wait for him to get here, i cant wait for my brother to come back Home.

Nov 22nd. the night before Thanksgiving, the last one we will ever celebrate. the house is filled with the smell of food being cooked; it especially collects upstairs, and makes it warm up here. i actually feel pretty good considering... i guess its good timing that we have the family holiday now, it helps to forget about the other thing. some of the family's already here, kids running around playing with things, and adults downstairs drinking and talking loudly, you can tell they are drunk by the way they are shouting at eachother but they think they are talking with normal voices. i hate that smell of alcohol on them and the way they look at me with those glazed-over eyes. i just go upstairs and they dont notice. dont wanna hang out with any of the younger kids either. no one in this family is my age!

So i'm fixing up my Blog page, changing the background color and the letter font. What should i call it..? Arial's Blog, i guess. Simple enough. Cant think of anything catchier. I see that i havent even entered anything this week, that has to be a record. no one has said anything either, none of my loyal readers. not even the creepy older guy just waiting for me to have a live webcam... All the kids in town are with their families i guess, i havent seen any of them online or in RL (real life). i havent even told anyone about my brother. its weird not having a name to remember him by, or even a face. i just remember he was very very tiny, and pale, and shaking and crying. sometimes he would sleep, and you could just stare at him and try to see the resemblance. he didnt really look like anything, just a blank slate ready to be written on. now he's never even be anything, not even a memory. the parents dont mention it, and jon is still in a state of shock i think. no one told me how to deal with it, so you just try to ignore it i guess. but thats hard to do i guess. i'm twelve years old and i hate my life. this sucks. i want to run away from home. there must be something i can do, somewhere i can go, and someone i can go with. but there isnt. i dont know anybody! since ive stopped going to school i barely even leave the house, and meeting people online doesnt count, you dont even know if they are who they say they are anyway. i just want to meet a cute guy who's smart and interesting who knows things, and we'll run away together. that cant be so hard can it?! i mean, it happens everyday... on tv at least, and in the movies. i dont know, maybe it doesnt happen so much in the RL. i hate "Real" Life.

i just want to go to sleep and dream and never have to wake up.

i wonder if thats where the little baby is now, in heaven or somewhere where you dont have to do anything like work or go to school, you can be whoever you want and do whatever you want. yeah, that doesnt sound so bad, in fact it sounds just right.

nov 23rd- Christian wont take me with him.

He was just here, for the first time since last year, but when I told him about the baby, he got real serious, and silent. He didnt even tell me what he had been up to. He said he had to go. I grabbed my suitcase and said "I'm going with you." But he ignored me. He said i was too young, and he had to go alone. He left even though i was crying, how s****y is that. I told him he's the meanest brother ever, that didnt stop him either. He just climbed down the side of the building and walked away. Didnt even look back.

I turn back in the room and look at it. Jon isnt here, he went home with his Aunt and Uncle earlier. They wanted me to go to but i refused. Because of Christian. I knew he was coming. Now he's gone and im stuck here, with a family that doesnt want me, a family thats barely even a family in the first place. We are disintegrating right in front of our own eyes. This is the Moment. Im sad that i have to, that things couldnt have turned out alright for us, but, this is a decision that i have to make.

I don't want to live just in this room anymore. I'm going to run away, but i'm going to do it the right way. I've been in touch with some good people on the internet, beautiful people that i think will help me, an underground artists network of journalists and musicians and such. I can stay with them, they told me, on the couch, and they'll tell me about their plans, and maybe someone will listen to me, and maybe they will know how to find my hero, Revengd, or at least know if he is even a real person and not just another lie like everything else.

nov24- You,

you killed king kong

you killed superman

you killed everything that was ever good in the world

and replaced it with efficiency

you dont know

you dont know what is beautiful to me

how could you, if you're not even trying to see beauty in anything

the story of humanity is the story of good people getting hurt by bad people

and the bad people get away with it every time in my experience

but i just want you to know that

you are beautiful