Pre-New School

This is actually a true story. I mean, that's me in the story right now.

Just a while ago, I found out that I made it. The teachers were impressed with my grades, or something, I suppose, and I'm going to be in a different school for my 11th grade. 

Adrenaline. 

Shouldn't I be in a state of elate-ness like my parents? This is allegedly the best school in the area. Allegedly good people, good teachers, good grades, good activities, good everything. 

Welll.

As I sit here in my room, with Adele singing away in iTunes, I notice the glare of nature outside the window. The sky's semi-dark, a few trees splashed in the picture, some roads twisted like noodles holding luxurious cars as they honk, thinking they're boss. 

Slip down in retrospection. 

My present school is simply mundane. Nothing special, a few kids, a few teachers, and a few kids who think they rule the world. The issue with me is that I don't have that power to withstand popularity. I never manage to be popular. In my present school, I have no recognition, just some, amongst my few friends. Have I been content? ...maybe. Have I been esoterically jubilant? ...Nope.

Besides, if I'd stay in this school, I may never actually open up to the world. 

But...the new school? Am I ready to go through it again? At this point, my mind is quite panicked. I'll have that risk of having to fit in, and what if I don't? I have changed my school several times in the past...and well, they haven't always been good. I would do something entirely stupid on the first day, and watch all those who joined with me get popular, as I'd hide. Or try too hard. Well, I'm not saying I want to be popular. Just that, I don't manage to become friends with people who are truly like me. Or just, good friends in general.

Ahh, extroverts. I really am not one of those. Maybe with my friends, but in life, I'm an introvert, quite reticent all the time, and only I know my secret alleged talents. How will I open up here? What if something goes wrong? HOW should I open up? What if no one talks to me? What if they find me strange?

All my problems are parading en masse intending to destroy the cerebrum. People say "Just be yourself", well, uh, I'm always me, I'm a very bad imitator, but.... being 'me' doesn't always work.

The melancholy music is making me even more melancholy-cal. My hands are super cold, I have to keep rubbing them against the skin of my cheek to feel warm. And even that works temporarily.

All I want is a place where I belong. With friends who make me feel like I belong, who I can relate to. Till now, I have never actually been completely contented. I remember joining my present school, I was so excited, but turned out to be nothing. I don't know...all those school's I've changed, something just...goes wrong. Like involuntarily.

And I don't want the same to happen here. Really, I don't. At this point, I don't really know who I should be. What I should be. Should I be the super-crazy-friendly-loud newbie, or the quiet-and-shy-but-dreamy girl. Or a mix? I have mixed feelings. And also this feeling that something's gonna go wrong. 

AAAHHHHH IREHGIRGO4IGJW RIGHJPQOIGEJAU42WGJEOFDCVNNSCA0guwjrgjnerkjv-0eunjrbigk iahawoihoOEHBEAHRUJNOIRSJ GAWEG;OLDSMNKCXLVCM.V,XKNSLRKND RPW

^sorry, couldn't find words for my angst. 

Cumulonimbus clouds arrange themselves in concentrated proud lines, some up, some down, and I hear the distant rumbling. A few red leaves drizzle down from that anonymous tree, and wind picks up speed, as if coordinating with my heartbeats. 

But...the moon seems encouraging, somehow. 

Reviews

[Suditi]

Great story!
The emotions are so raw, fresh.. Beautifully expressed..
And yes, it is difficult..to fit in..to be accepted.. sometimes we try too hard, sometimes we give wrong impressions..yes.. But i think its all very temporary.. After all, everybody in this world is trying to fit in here or there..everybody!
So, dont worry! This school is gonna be great!
I read somewhere, "to be happy, you dont need followers, you need friends."
So, popular or not, if you choose to have a good time in this school, i think you will. :)

[E. Ryan Miller]

This story expresses itself well. I say that because I have been in this position a million times. You are able to expound to the world what it feels like to be in this characters shoes. Good job.

[Aehr]

your expressions in this story are truly understandable. I really enjoyed this one. Thoughts on changing school, been there, done that!

[Octob3r Star]

I felt involved in this story. Its good to feel yourself actually in it. Awesome write

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good story. Life give us many opportunity for many things. I made lifetime friendships and try to learn all I could. I like the pace of the story and the very good ending. Thank you for the excellent story.
Coyote

[Geraldine]

Awesome story! Changing schools indeed means starting all over again. And I understand that just being 'yourself' doesn't work all the time. ^__^ While reading this I remember when I was in fifth grade, I transferred school and you know what happens next. :D This reminds me of being invisible. Yay! A very expressive story, very well written. Great job.

[The Spiritual Soulga]

Wonderful expressiveness....I loved the realness....Great job

[Vivere ad mihi, mi Deus]

I know how you feel, i have been to nine different schools and i'm a sophomore in high school, each time is different. I'm not very well known, i don't really fit in anywhere, but i do have my own little place :) It is also fun and exiting sometimes lol, all i can say is be who you are and if people have a problem with you screw them lol Don't worry about what they think of you. And anyway, i think you will fit in just fine :)

Your story was really good, i like how you really express your feelings. I also love the imagery, its really nice.

[Lagachu]

i like the way u describe things and dnt wry u will fit in the new school... even i had the same feeling bt everything went right.... it will go right fr u too....

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

you can do some research on your new school to feel more familiar with your surroundings...that might make you feel more at ease

anyways, i hope everything goes well for your over there
:)

[Who Cares]

It is very difficult making new friends, and you feel judged in new situations. Then again change itself is difficult. I love the imagery you use ans your descriptions are very specific and clear. Nice job.