Admitting

watching you walk away

no looking back

no goodbye

it took my everything

to hold my feet

from running after you

dropping to my knees 

begging for your forgiveness

taking the turn

each foot felt of lead that I was lost

having hope flutter in and out 

moments of happiness

turned to moments of tears, short breaths

as you slowly tore apart my heart

unknown

taking pieces of me

of my heart 

with you

each step crushing my chances of healing

more and more

maybe you are unaware

of how much of an impact you had on me

it was not a spell

I was completely sober wanting you

needing you

dreaming of you 

wishing you were near me

kisses

showers 

all 

your voice kept me alive as my sleep was drained

I felt incomplete without talking to you

for even a week

was thought to be my death 

you brought smiles

pure joy

and happiness

glimpses into the future

if only this would last

yet there you are watching my heart break a little bit more

you have moved on already

shutting down

not wanting anything to do with me

it was my fault

yet the lack of knowing 

how you felt 

what you wanted

the mutual of the unknown

but yet you still watch my heart break a little bit more

your kisses are on my lips

molded to how complete I felt

I wanted you to be inside of me

I wanted all of you

no holding back

how can one feel so strongly

yet the other 

unaware 

or 

simply not caring

Who created this?

this feeling of brokeness, emptiness

of love, of completeness

you are enough 

to make stepping onto the bus

I put myself in auto mode

the only way

I became outside of my body

the only way

I could muster the courage

the strength

it took to leave

to give you time

space

whatever you need

all feeling like a horrific dream

only to not be able to sleep

I realize

time is the only thing that 

can maybe 

hopefully 

allow healing 

the possibility of forgiveness

I don’t know how I could let you walk away

tears have become familiar

and a constant reminder

energy in a sense

each moment 

I am flown 

taken 

miles and miles

from you

with only the faintest 

taste of your lips 

upon mine

I don’t know how to walk

how to try and start over

I don’t know if I want to 

I don’t know how to pick myself

I am used to picking others up

scooping their hearts into my arms

healing

beginning the process

After all this

each moment

each minute

I have to make an effort to breath

to hold back the tears

And to make it worse

this is yet all my fault

I broke this

and 

now I am paying for it

All I can do is hope

pray

I want you to be happy

I won’t admit this

but I let myself

fall fall

deep

in love 

with You

all of You

yet 

time 

will 

only 

tell 

if the love is enough

if the feelings were ever there

if there was a connection

that can be rekindled

that can be strengthened

once again

but just know 

how truly sorry I am

and yes

admitting it out loud

I don’t know how the tears will ever stop

how I will ever begin to recover

but yes 

I believe

I truly

Love

You.

Reviews

[Andrea]

The hardest thing of all to do!!! I love how you got there in the end, watching him walking away, all the anguish and turmoil and then finally admitting that you are sorry and still love him. This is sooo beautiful, it made me cry. I wish we never had to feel this way, but then where would all those lovely poems end up?

[Kyle]

This is such a strongly worded love letter. It features intense feeling, remorse, regret and absolute devotion......

I'm very moved by these words... you did an marvelous job, I was stucked with my eyes, on the screan, and that means a lot.

[Robin]

an evocative piece and such strength to realize and say those words .

[roy mccarthy]

awesome write,
full of regret and emotion!