Greeting Death

i’m not afraid of dying

used to hold my sheets just barely over my eyes

shivering

scared

i was afraid

little

small

afraid that a strange man would come in my room and kidnap

maybe i would have been better off

maybe all the ones in my life would be better off

if i had gotten taken when i was young

too small

to fight 

to even try to raise my little voice

that stood for 

absolutely nothing

i’m not afraid to die

i used to not want to go outside

afraid of getting hit by a car

afraid i would drown

or fall in the frozen water

these thoughts 

were instilled in me

instilled in my very being

teaching me that life i had to fear

that it would eat me up 

and just maybe 

if i was lucky

spit me out

well 

i’m still alive

and i’m hoping each day 

that life had chewed and chewed and never spit me out

yet maybe i am still be chewed

maybe this is just a cruel joke

or a long nightmare

that i will wake up from 

and have someone

someone i can rely on

someone there that loves me

inside and out

but no

i am not afraid to die

i greet death happily

touching 

just barely

i live on the edge

just barely reaching for death

one day it will reach for me as i have so longed for it

one day i will not have to think anymore

or worry

or hope

or even dream

knowing that i have nothing to fear

my fears of being taken 

of being hurt

of being lost

of being alone

on my own

well those fears are no longer there

the thoughts of what to be afraid of 

i now challenge

i walk alone

i dance alone

i seek for something more

alone

and yet i believe this is how i am met to be

i don’t need anyone

i believe that i am all i need

i have tried 

to give 

or rely

but all anyone has done is take

so i have been taken

stolen from inside and out

i have been hurt more then i can count

yet who is there to pick up the pieces? 

i am the one cleaning up each mess

i am the one barely able to mend my soul once more

knowing my ending

my time

is coming 

it’s coming so soon

i can feel it

as my breath quickens

as i glance around knowing that anything could be death

yet this makes me happy 

in all my years as i search and try to remember

what made me happy

who made me happy

i am not afraid of dying

i am lost

and not belonging anywhere

no matter where or who i am

i am not there

whoever the hell i am or have ever been

i don’t belong

i don’t begin to be happy

if even for a moment 

that is slowly torn away

leaving me alone

all alone

sitting in the dark

just searching for something to take away my pain

i turn to you

to anyone 

just hoping someone will save me before it’s too late

before my end 

my all is reached

the time is coming

it’s coming 

and 

before you know it 

all i will be is a memory

and 

even that will soon vanish

with all my broken pieces

i will be in the past 

of each person that was my world

i will be a figment of their imagination

if i even ever haunt their dreams

i will be there

in the darkness 

still reaching out

i am not afraid of dying

i stand 

i am on the edge

just hoping i will be grabbed

or taken 

once more

so for once

i can be happy

truly 

endlessly happy

i am not afraid to die

so please let me be

be happy 

that i have reached what i have always wanted

searched for 

my dreams

and 

hauntings 

have been received 

and finally fulfilled

i am not afraid

my fears are gone

death take me now

take me on the journey and free me

free me from the chains that dig me deeper in this darkness i call home

i am not afraid of death

no, not anymore

Reviews

[sammyj]

Very well written. I like your style.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Excellent piece.