The Way I Push

Push Push

It’s what I do

From the outside looking in

You would think I love to suffer

I love the pain

Well maybe I do?

I seem to bring it wherever I am

whoever I am with

Each one I choose

is unreachable

never would work

maybe not never

but

I push

I push

They run

It’s all the same

Who could ever love someone pathetic?

I am embarrassed to own myself

I am sickened by the choices

I have made 

and 

the ones I am bound to make

I am an addict

I need someone to pull me up, to pick me up

But 

yet there I would be to push

even a healthy relationship out the door

so many I have done before

so many that I believed the game was fun

Yes the game that was my adrenaline rush

leaves me crying

leaves me standing there, lying there alone

reaching out

Except

no one will be there

no one will know

I push

I push 

them away

I push

I push 

you away