Would You Care?

Would you care

If you called the phone

And there was no answer

It just

rang

rang

Or

You heard

this number has been disconnected

Would you think

Would you try

Would you care

If your letters

Were never received

Return to sender

The letters you have Yet to write

Never touched my fingertips

Would you care

That the last words

you shared

were

of hatred

of pride

Would you care

If my smile

faded away into the dust

the lines of each bone

cast into the shadows

Would you care

If I took

my last dance

my last swing

my last walk

my last breath

Would you care

If my ashes

were laid out before

each last piece

too many damn pieces come together

intertwined into what once was my being

Would you care

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is outstanding. The questions of love and need leave us hoping and wondering. I like the set-up this poem and the story. I have left people waiting and I was left waiting. Fear can happen if we do not know where our love one is. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Nina Kari]

again i LOVE the way your sentences are everywhere! it makes you look at the whole page. it makes you unique. just as this write makes you unique. yes every teenage girl has asked that question. and most answer with a simple no. only some are worthy or the love we bring. i agree with Coyote and i kinda disagree with Wilsey. that damn gives it the piece of heart wrentchin emotion this write needed. again fantastic work here

[D.R. Wilsey Jr.]

Honestly, I liked this piece up until the "Would you give a damn/Let me answer that for you" portion.

Personally, I would enjoy this piece much more if you cut off that last section. I would also play with the overall layout as the extreme spacing seems to throw off the rhythm of the piece, but not nearly as much as the last half. It's almost as two people wrote this. One person being a mature, thoughtful being and the other reverting back to an more angst-ridden teenager.

Good start, but consider looking at this and revising.