The Terrorist within Me

I sat with the urge to cry

I sat with the emptiness I felt

With the pain and the fear

I sat with the knowing that I didn’t know

This unsettled me

This shook me

I wanted to cry

I wanted to allow myself to let go

To truly be present

I felt scared

I was shaken awake last night

With a nightmare

A dream with a lesson

I feared a terrorist, or the general idea

Of terrorism

When I hadn’t realized

I allowed fear

The true terrorist

To lie to myself

To become a part of my present

To envelop my being

And take hold of my identity

I couldn’t fall asleep

I sat awake

Searching for distraction

I was alone in the warmth

Of the 5:30 AM sunrise

A new day

I was exhausted, scared, and alone

I wanted comfort from another

But there was none

I had to be with this fear

This emptiness that was

Taking over my life