The Jars of My Life

Do you ever feel so alone?

Not in the sense

That you are alone

But that you feel

Betrayed by your own mind

Your own heart is in control

You are along for the ride

Yet I understood the old pain

But now

Why the tears fall

The questions flood in

The only one that is understood

Is why?

Your dreams are coming true

Your life is turning up

So beautiful

Yet you feel alone

I feel so lost

I have become someone

That I am proud of

But someone I don’t know

My heart has been lost… always

But my mind + body with no

Connection has carried on

I have lost myself

In the city

In the likes

In the need to be affirmed

The need to be known

To be seen

As if I am invisible

Screaming out

Calling out,

Crying out

Help me; be with me

Lately the nights have blurred

The days have passed me by

I know the regret will come

I am wanting something

Needing more

I can’t put words

To my heart cries

The tears

Whisper

Run, escape, go

My fears of

Disappoint them

Being a failure

As if that will come

As a shock to anyone

I feel as if they are waiting

For me to fail

“they”

I don’t know who they are

I just cant seem to feel

Anything but lost

As if I’ve been

Running from the

Demons

That controlled so

Much of me

Consumed

My life

As if I climbed

Enough mountains

Flew away on

Enough planes

Collected enough adoration

Enough approval

I would be able

To defeat those demons

Instead of always running

Always trying to escape

What I feel is my destiny

The darkness

Takes over

And I’m tired

I’m lost

I’m tired of fighting

Almost as if

I close my eyes

The demons will

Take me away

Love me enough

To bring me home

Where I could find stillness

And be content

 

There are two

Battles I fight

So strong

Neither willing to

Surrender

To give up

To let the demons win

Or

To fight, to conquer

To once & for all

Defeat the demons

That have held me

Captive

For so long

Have held me ransom

In chains

Where are you God?

I know you won’t fail me

But I’m losing

My life

My hope

My soul

Where have you gone?

My tears are falling

Are you collecting them?

To one day

Drown me in your

Love

Are the tears

There to teach me

To heal me

Or are they going

To destroy me

I need you

I need me

I am lost

No direction

I cannot fail

I cannot run

Or I fear

My life will

Be filled with

One-ways and

I will never

Return…