Dear Daddy

3 journal entries to my abusive Father

hiiii daddy.  where are you?  daddy. i haven't seen you in awhile and i miss you. remember when i would jump off of the steps at grandpa's house and you would catch me?! i would run and wait at the top of the steps as soon as i heard your work truck outside.  a jingle of keys and a lone creaking... i would crouch down when i heard the kitchen floor creaking,and then..."DADDY!!!"  Leaping into the air and down into your arms.  You were dirty and sweaty and smelling of asphalt..but beaming ear to ear and mine. all mine.
remember when u used to take me to big lotts with you? :) remember me walking behind you, trying to match your stride, grinning ear to ear :) can we do that again?
when are you coming home? i don't like the man that is here since you left..he hurts us. he hurts mom daddy. he hurts me. please come home..i promise I won't get in anymore trouble and i'll listen....i miss you..




You coward. don't know if you got my last message - I hope u get this one. What kind of man leaves his family? what sorry,pathetic excuse for a father leaves his son?! You have no idea what we've been through.  My mom cries- my sister is gone- i hear my brother screaming and i can't do anthing to help him. this coward here beats me till I pass out- and you let it happen. the only difference between you two is at least this coward looks me in the eye while he hurts me- I'm about to graduate -but what do you care right?, I don't care where you are- I hope you die there.  thanks for nothing "dad".



Dear Dad,

How are you Dad? I don't know if you got my last message but I'm sorry.  I was angry and confused - its been hard. growing up without you pops- I've messed up so much trying to figure it out on my own. I never understood how you could leave us, until the time that I left- my family. my wife..my son... I saw you once- when I  went to where it's NUMB... you didn't even notice me.. when i saw you there- consumed.i cried out for you...but u didn't hear me.  it's ok tho- i know how hard it is to hear in NUMB.  But seeing you when i was there- i didn't want to be there anymore..  I  didn't mean to stay gone for so long.. the man I left my family with...he's just like the man you left us with..  But I'm back home now - if u want to come back home too. There's two AMAZING little mes who would love to meet you....i love you Dad- and i miss you. And if you ever decide to come home. I'll be waiting at the top of the stairs for you.

Author's Note

We hear about Dead Beat Dad's who physically abandon their children- this is the story of my dead beat father who abandoned me-and never left home. My dad was a youth minister preacher who sexually and physically abused me.