Needle In The Haystack

... L.A where are you???

Needle In the Haystack

 

 

“Maybe I should go”, she said.

No, stay.

I love the way your words

live in the moment

and each comes with a smile.

 

               The moon smiles at times,

                its beams bounce

                and flow through my window,

                highlighting your silky skin

                as you lay in my bed.

 

“I should go now

before it gets too late”, she said

while cuddling closer in my chest.

Please stay, I love the way

your hair tickles my skin.

 

                                                             As the night moved toward dawn,

                                                                    and the moon began to fade,

                                                                                  you went away, but

                                                          your scent remained on the sheets

                                                                 and wrapped around my heart.

 

Aztec Warrior/redzone 9.24.20

Author's Note

....thanks for reading... I first saw this formatting style in some of the poetry of Lyn Anderson, she use to post here at WC but I haven't seen any of her poems lately... anyway I wrote this and hope she likes it...

Reviews

[Vol]

Magazines hate it when poet's do that...
Vol

[redzone]

Oh well, the poem wasn't for them anyway. So, magazines, hate away!!! Not sure if you have ever read any of Lyn Anderson's poetry, you might like it. But some of her poems had this formatting and I always found it added to the poem itself. She took a lot of flack for it though.

[Vol]

You know,.
This absolutely works, two people divided together...
I too often just dismiss what I don't like, whether clothing, or food, or styles... I just like simple. The golden egg of any bit of creative art carries a gun and has venomous fangs. I want that needle point to catch me unawares, so I have to writhe around and come to grips... So many of the typical conceits of poetry are inane distractions, rhythm, rhyme schemes, couplets, enjambments... it is an interminable list.
Vol

[redzone]

I hear you on this. Sometimes it's not a thought experiment in creating different art forms but just a fad and is, well stupid. But there is a place in art of adventure (my word) and experiment, not just as effect, but to affect the reader, to communicate feelings and aesthetics. And yes, sometimes it takes some rethinking and reimagining what we are used to. It took me a while to appreciate improvisational jazz for example. I have even found I enjoy listening to some country music. But art, in all its various forms and expressions, is an essential element in what makes us human and hopefully humane.

[ETERNITY]

I hit on this still looking for Kiss poems. I love it even though it's written for somebody else. I do that, too, but when we personalize and single our a subject of our writing sometimes it leaves a reader feeling neglected and they move on. I do move on because I don't want to intrude and that's the feeling.

[redzone]

Your reading and comment is no intrusion Eternity, rather it is welcomed. Thanks for the visit and your feelins. I wrote this more as a tribute to the way Lyn wrote, her style of writing. She was a regular here for a while. I got to know her a little bit, which was cool. I think you would have liked her poetry.

A last note, I have made friends here at WC, but all of them are open, that is I do not hide who my friends are. And as such even a poem like this one is not meant to be only for that person, but for any and all who want to read.

[ETERNITY]

Honestly, if I tell you my lover's scent was wrapped in my sheets, I'm sure you'd move on. I'm a sort of jealous b***h and with that, bye.

[ETERNITY]

I'm just saying, You be you. And I will be me.

[barleygirl]

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! This is the ultimate of simple tender intimacy. I could learn a thing or two from you about painting such a scene in the book I'm working on. In fact, I'm stealing the idea about saying one should go while acting like one who plans to stay! *wink! wink!* You are such a lover! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[redzone]

While my reply to your comment is long over due, Margie, I hope you did use whatever ideas you wanted to for your book. By the way did you write it?? Finish it?? If so title please and where I can get a copy.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"your love remained in the sheets/ wrapped around my heart"---
sweet lines...I was reading this humming an old Ides of March song...
"L.A. Goodbye"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o1n1yQTcDU

[redzone]

Thanks Jacob, a little late, but I wanted to say that your words and visit are always appreciated.read moreThanks Jacob, a little late, but I wanted to say that your words and visit are always appreciated.

By the way, I had never heard that Ides of March song, it's a good one!!!

[Papaya]

I remember Lyn's style. Fits so perfectly here.
More of your beautifully inspired words.

[redzone]

aaawwwww thanks Ana. I miss reading her poetry, I hope she is doing okay.

[Sami Khalil]

Sweet, refined and romantic. The lingering pictures and scents stay in our minds. Love in the air and in the bed are powerful. You write with class.

[redzone]

thanks Sami for your kind words, so glad you liked this poem...

[Sami Khalil]

Yes siiiirrrr. You are welcome.

[John the Baptist]

When love is good, it's like this. When it's not.....let's not think about that and disrupt this pleasantness.

[redzone]

thanks John for the visit and nice comment... both appreciated...