Complete

...experimenting form....

Complete

 

A song

         simple

     in the emotions

sung as melodies,

     woven

into the fabric of time

drifting along the edges

    of a night sky

and into your heart.

 

A simple song

          we are

sung

     in widening circles

          dance

continuous and complete

     in lover’s ache

defined

     as in your touch,

     fingers speak soliloquy

and I create etudes,

     opus and symphony,

     my love to you.

 

We are a simple song,

a rainbow, colorful

     complete.

 

Aztec Warrior/redzone 10.11.16

(Note: written after watching an art film- “Youth)

Author's Note

.... thanks for reading... music is from the movie and called "Simple Song #3; I hope my words give justice to the depth of emotion felt in this song....

Reviews

[ReedWrite]

I loved this very much. I love the format, the way the words flow, but don't follow an expected pattern. It is exactly the way I love poetry...from the heart...unique...filled with emotion and thought-provoking imagery. Thank you for sharing this piece.

[redzone]

Thank you ReedW thrilled that you found this poem thought provoking and emotional... the formatting is my attempt to have the poem feel like the music... that you noticed is a treat for me.. glad for your visit and wonderful review

[Lyn Anderson]

Very lovely all around. One of your best, my friend. I am thinking dancing might fit a wee bit better than dance -- or perhaps we dance? either way, a beautiful piece. Nice formatting and music to "complete" the piece.

[redzone]

thank you KL.... I thought about using "dancing" when I wrote this, actually changed to "dance" because I wanted the more halt feel to the poem... "dancing makes it smoother and when listening to the music (at least in the first part of it) there is more a stop, then go, then stop, etc and I wanted to try and capture this within the poem... "dancing" doesn't do this I think the way that "dance" does... not sure this makes sense but it is what I was thinking...

KL I love your reviews and suggestions, they are really appreciated and so please never stop doing this... ;0)

[Lyn Anderson]

All right - then might I suggest punctuation to emphasize this pause.

[Lydia Shutter]

Oh my...heavy sigh! The music is exquisite...the slow build up of the strings, the operatic voice, the emotion. And then your words are tender, gentle, velvety soft. Truly a delight for the senses, Curt! The simple songs are the best....and they are so very "nice". Absolutely wonderful! Lydi**

[redzone]

the combination of the movie and the music (the song embedded) wrote this poem Lydi... and I really appreciate your take on the way I wrote it... you are wonderful Lydi, thank you..

[Einstein Noodle]

i love this ... the form is just my cup of tea .. i think this is such a powerful (turn of sorts):
"A simple song

we are

sung

in widening circles"

i think i would separate "dance" a little more ... it seemed to want to have a bit longer pause ... that's not a critique ..just my own impression ... the weave of music and relationships of love presented in a fresh unique redzone way .. i thoroughly enjoyed your poem ..nice one says i!
E.

[redzone]

Hi E. and thank you for a great review.. I like the way it reads when separating "dance" a few more breaths, good idea... and the line you quoted I imagined these words as I listened to the music, it sounded like widening circles as well as love, if it is a good and deep love will spread out in widening circles like ripples and affecting many along its path... anyway... thanks again E. and hoping you are well...

[Einstein Noodle]

yes ... the kind of love when we begin and continue to draw close to our Creator .. our realizations and commitment tested and we do become less selfish .. more and more concerned with others peace and happiness .. just as God does :)
I am very well sir...thank you for asking and i wish it right back at ya!

[Papaya]

It's so wonderful when people or communities have such great harmony between them that they almost breathe as one and can mesh so well.

[redzone]

thank you Ana, thrilled you like this one... the love was bitter sweet as it was unfolded in the movie.... he lived for his music, that only she could sing... and yes, that did allow them to mesh.. have you seen the movie??? was "heady" and psychological, an art film as I call them.... anyway, it is always good to see you wandering through one of my poems.... ;0)

[Papaya]

Haven't seen it. Will gave to check it out! Is it on Netflix?

[redzone]

called "Youth" and is currently playing on one of the HBO channels... not sure if it is on Netflix....

[Papaya]

Oh.. Bummer. I don't get HBO

[redzone]

sorry... you may not have liked it anyway... since I don't know the types of movies you like... I enjoyed it, it kinda pulled me in... lol... hope you, kids and all you love are doing good...

[redzone]

Rolling Stone Mag likes the movie while Rotten Tomatoes hates it... so mixed reviews... lol

[barleygirl]

I love the idea that two people in a friendship/relationship are the song. That analogy alone says so much! This line is sensually brilliant: "fingers speak soliloquy" and you sent me to google this word: "etude" . . . I think we all long for one special lifelong opus, but I guess those are saved for the chosen few *sigh!* I enjoy your creative take on two people coming together as an artform (((HUGS)))

[redzone]

thanks Margie, I was worried about this poem, whether to depth of emotion was captured within it... the movie was a bit strange toe, a kind of abstract (with clarity coming more toward the end) film painting and yet it was filled with hidden and intense emotions... what is life worth, all about??? what is love and openness? hard to explain, at least for me so I wasn't sure this poem would come through.... his music was his life, but only she could sing it.... and her absence made him emotionless until the end.... anyway..

I am glad you found it, that it touched you... ((((hugs back)))

[barleygirl]

I just read another excellent poem about "love" and now coming back to re-read yours . . . I have the utmost respect for people who can write about love so creatively. Maybe I need to watch more movies with loving characters to inspire me, instead of the toilet TV watching I've done lately! *smile* . . . There's a part of me that won't "let go" & let me imagine how it could be like this.

[redzone]

"letting go" is hard, even for people who have not had much heartache in their life... and especially in todays world... and even in movies love is so damn idealistic and still oppressively displayed that it is difficult to see why one would even want to try.... lol... but there are movies and books and poetry that do express love in more human ways that promote love/friendship/relationship as a song as you say above... people do try their best often to have this based on equality and mutual respect but are also up against the "normal" workings of a society divided by oppression and between men and women... etc...

we are always limited by what we imagine is possible... always...

[barleygirl]

I've been trying to exercise my ability to imagine lately . . . *smile*