No Will To Survive

earlier poem, my imagining what a friend may have felt...

NO WILL TO SURVIVE

“I am going under

Cause I am broken

and I don’t have the strength to survive”

                  **Evanescence

I barely feel the knife go in

slicing easily through the skin,

ripping willing tissue

soaking itself with hungry blood,

dark black blood, 

searching for cool air freedom.

Then, as though it knew

the callousness of empty space,

the blade twisted, like fate

before backing out with a sticky slurp,

to an empty eyed wanton smile.

I have planned this often,

this glimmering edged dance with knife

fading into a blank wish

that has more meaning than this life.

Way too often I hear their cries;

Don’t you, can’t you " please

see the beauty in the morning sky

all crimsoned and pastel pink.

And that’s the problem " pastels.

Drab, ordinary, mundane things,

so full of inflicted pain

god’s unknowing plan

easy answers

snap judgments

fascistic solutions 

all emphasize it’s “all your fault” conclusions.

So I’m broken

no will to resist

as this glimmering edged dance begins,

methodically slicing deeper in

and primal colors come alive

I see vivid red burn the sky,

run down my skin.

No strength to even scream in blue

cause I’m going under

broken….

~~redzone 11.8.04

Author's Note

thanks for reading...

Reviews

[just Penny]

Full of pain and darkness. It's a nasty place to be and I have been there a few times. I think the lines
" primal colors come alive
I see vivid red burn the sky,
run down my skin.
No strength to even scream in blue"

just says it all. You have a unique skill in describing what is sometimes indescribable. Excellent writing :) (new here)

[abdulkadri]

i like the tune. it really speaks the picture of the heart. i am really inspired. nice poem.

[Lydia Shutter]

Curt, you have a very special way of expressing emotions that draws the reader not only between the lines, but into the heart of the fervid feelings swimming there. When a person feels "broken" all the King's horses and all the King's men will not help. Others can point out the beauty in life, but they can not see through the eyes of the broken, can they? Exceptionally moving poem that proves once again how compassionate and empathetic you are. So "nice". Lydi**

[redflutterby]

I'm speechless after reading this Curt. You touch the pain of someone who has fallen into the abyss. But you also speak of something else...the view of society that there is some pat easy answer to everything. When in fact there probably isnt. We dont know what anothers pain truly feels like...or the mental torment they struggle with. Saying a person who us deeply troubled just needs to look on the bright side is sadly insensitive. This poem is so sad and dark... but honest in its gritty truth.

[redzone]

Thank you for your reading and review. If you want the story I will tell ..

[Frieda P]

You knew this would break me. I can't say enough, this one touched me to the core of my soul Curt....sigh, gloriously potent and poignant, albeit sadness and angst in every last word. You made the music ten times better my sweet friend. You own my tears in this moment....x

[redzone]

I am so insensitive sometimes Frieda. I did not mean to have your tears, though if it would help I would take every one. This was written because of an online friend. I will tell you tomorrow when I get back on line. Until then forgive me.