Alive

A poem on the intricacies of life. While working on the first half, most of it flowed while listening to ...Here's to you by Cartographer. The second half, was helped with Custer by Slipknot.

Sometimes…

I want to walk in the rain

Lay on the grass

Listen to the music of the earth beneath me

Indulge in the scent of a lover

Feel for a new connection

Being bound to nothing

Has been wildly exhilarating 

I want to light scented candles

Have hot wax poured on my back

Confident hands wrapping around my waist

Be spoiled in a new experience

While I get high off of being alive

And sometimes…

Being alive feels like getting punched in the face

But I enjoy the stars in my vision

Tasting the metallic liquid on my lips

Feeling the warmth of my blood drip down my neck

The rush is intoxicating

It’s the little things

That make me feel alive

I want to be tied down and teased

Like life does so effortlessly

By showing me all the things I want

And giving me only a small taste

Get slapped in the face and fucked relentlessly

I promise I can handle it

Life has taught me well

Reviews

[emipoemi]

wow....the first part of the poem is divine. I'm going to start with that. The second part started with that same brilliance, but I found that a couple of lines were sloppy and they kind of took me out of the flow/power. But it all ended nicely, so that's a plus. On another note, I personally don't condone swearing in poetry for a good reason: swears are bombs that explode all the beauty to smithereens, so it's very advisable to use them only when you really need to spice something up. However, your swear here is brilliant on two levels, which is why it gets my stamp of approval: one, it delivers a good punch right at the end when readers really need it, BUT, more importantly, there's good sound work going on with "face". So well done there!! Very well done overall!! Much enjoyed!

[Stephanie]

Thank you for the review! I understand what you mean with the slight messiness of the last bit, it was intentional in order to compliment my point about how life hits hard sometimes haha

[emipoemi]

righto. Still doesn't change my overall view of the poem. It's a great piece on the whole!

[Franky]

You sound fun! My dad died a few years ago and he always taught me and then reminded me to live life.....not to just exist.. thank you for reminding me of him.

[HadesRising]

Absolute perfection, very visual and slick with you're words. Very well done. B+

[LitStar]

the grittiest,grungiest poetic slice of life I've come across


a compliment


-L.S

[Pete]

such liberating thoughts. it took an unexpected turn halfway through - wasn't sure where you were headed.
letting go and letting raw nature take its course. i love how you've compared doing 'it' with life. letting go and going with the flow however hard is good life advice. life has a way of making us hard so might as well take pleasure in it. no use fighting it. great thoughts. cool write ... :)

[Stephanie]

Thanks for reading! Glad you liked it and found the connection I was making :-)

[Chris]

Strong and intense... the second part came alive... Dom and sub.

[Relic]

You gave me a little shock towards the end. Writing is for expressing and you've done it well here. It's kind of like ripping your clothes off in the privacy of your room. lol