The Move (Chapter 1)

 I'm Jenni Rogers, curvy, Mexican, short I stand at 5'0. I have brown hair goes two inches past my shoulders, And I have brown eyes. I'm moving with my dad to Manville, Wyoming. Yay! Small towns (Not). My dad is not the tallest earthier. He has short brown hair, brown eyes, he was tan, and he stood at 5'10. 

    We had arrived at the house, it was a two story with three bedrooms and four bathrooms, As i got out, I looked up at it, Amazed. "This house was built in 1880." I put my finger up cutting him off. "I honestly don't care, I don't need a history lesson. Thank you." I rolled my eyes and went inside. "Last door on the right is your bedroom." My dad said. 

   The walls were a light shade of blue. There was a window to see the front yard, a lamp, a bed, a side table, a computer table, and speakers for my phone and laptop. The bed was in the middle of the room, it was a queen size and had a purple cover over it with four pillows on it. I sat down and texted people from back home.

Hours past and I was asleep on the bed. What awoke me was the bright shining sun. My dad stormed in my room with a smile,with his black long sleeved chef uniform. "Today's your first day. Good luck!" He said with enthusiasm oozing out of him, as he kissed my head. I got up, brushed my teeth, my hair, and my face. I did my makeup. I put a shimmer pink on my eyelid,then eyeliner on the bottom of my eyelid, my mascara, my cover up, then my light pink lip gloss. I brushed my hair again and put it over my shoulders then went and got dressed.

  I got my light blue skinny jeans, with a white t-shirt,a pink scarf with flowers on it that came with the shirt,I put it around my neck,socks,Then I put on my pink converse.  I grabbed my heavy bag, slung it over my shoulder, grabbed my phone, and went downstairs. My dad was sitting on the couch, He stood up and smiled. "You look good" He said. "Thanks, can we just go? Get this over with" I said. My dad rolled his eyes, and walked to the door. "Your not even hungry? I put money on your account for lunch, and we'll stop by Starbucks on the way there, but food?" My dad look worried. "I'm fine. Just want to get today over with." I said as I walked to the car, I got in and turned on Lee Brice. Dad joined me shortly, He drove me to Starbucks, I got a Mocha Cappuccino. It took 5 minutes to get to the school. He handed me a paper with my classes and all on it.

 I walked to my locker and put my books up. I'm 15, Also in 10 grade, And I don't know anyone. I grabbed my binder, notebook, and a pencil. Then I headed to room 100 for math. As I walking to class I wasn't looking and I walked right into someone. Papers and stuff flew out of our arms and onto the floor. "Watch it b***h" "s-s-sorry" I picked up my books. When I looked up at her I already knew things weren't going to go great for me. She was blonde, Skinny with big b***s, Blue eyes, and a pale tone. She wore a pink skirt and pink blouse, with heels. She got her stuff and looked at me with an evil eye. "Next time watch were your going you little w***e." I looked down as she said that. "Hey!" I heard a voice say. Some girl came up and said to the Barbie, "If anyone's the w***e here its you. I mean after you slept with Noah, Even though your 'dating' Sam." Barbie's face went blank with fear. "Oops I wasn't suppose to say was I? watch who you mess with hoe, Bye" The mystery girl said, still facing Barbie. Barbie left and the girl turned to me.

  She smirked at me. She was Beautiful, she was 5'6 with a light brown hair, maybe a Carmel color, She had hazel eyes that were staring into my eyes, and she was pale. She was wearing a football jersey. She placed a hand on my shoulder. "You okay?" She asked. "Uh.. Yeah, I'm fine, Thank you for that.. I'm Jenni" I said looking at her. "That is the queen b***h Donna" She laughed, "And I'm Autumn, Yeah like the season" She said. I laughed a little. "What class do you have?" She asked. "Uh.. Room 100 Math." I said. She smirked again. "Same. Want me to walk you?" "I don't see why not" I said. We were walking and I asked out of no where. "So your dating a football player?" I asked referring to the jersey. She laughed at that. "No. I play football though I'm wide receiver" I suddenly felt stupid, I found myself blushing and looking at the ground as we were walking upstairs. "I don't have any guys in my life" She said looking at me. "Me earthier" I said. We walked to class and I met the teacher. I sat in the front and Autumn sat behind me. Two girls sat next to me. Ones name was Jaden, She had brown hair and was 5'3, and blue eyes, hidden behind glasses. The other side the girls name was Macie, She had dirty blonde hair, and she was 5'8. Both girls where very pale colored.

 I sat though am hour of taking notes and meeting the people in my class. Autumn kept looking at me. It was.. different. But before I knew it I was in a group with Macie, Jaden, and Autumn. We were laughing. We were talking about our taste in guys. Even though I had yet to tell them I was Gay, Autumn hadn't said anything earthier. Autumn looked up at me. "What about you Jenni? What do you like in guys?" All three girls were looking at me. "Um... I'm not really.. interested in guys" I said nervously. "You're lesbian? Autumn is too!" Macie said as Autumn hit her. The teacher yelled and told us to sit in our seats.

Author's Note

Please Ignore my spelling. I'm sorry for that. what did you think so far??

Reviews

[Arthur Aadams]

My honesty invites me to note that i read the first five and the last three lines of your whole ''chapter''.
If i use any words in my review you don't understand, use Google. Google is a great tool in general when you're unsure about how to write a word or how to construct a sentence.

Don't use commas and conjunctions next to eachother, don't start sentences with conjunctions. (it reads like crap)
''my shoulders, And I have brown eyes. ''

You can't really ignore all those mistakes while reading. One mistake is fine but ''earthier'' (its either or neither) is not an english word. (there are alot of grave spelling and grammar mistakes)

Then there's this: ''Your lesbian'' please learn the difference between your and you're. It's hard to take a writer serious when he doesn't know this difference.

The construction of your sentences is weird: -''Your lesbian? So is Autumn" Macie said as Autumn hit Macie.- or -"Last door on the right is yours." My dad said. - try: ''You're lesbian? Autumn is too!'' said Macie as Autumn hit her. (or something like that).

When a character speaks, use a double enter. then use the "___" then use a double enter again. So the dialogue stands alone in the text, this just reads better.

I read eight lines but it already feels like an unoriginal, whiny teen story about someone who has difficulties making friends because of her sexual orientation. Autumn and Jenni will get together, i am sure of this. Dialogue should have meaning, your words shouldn't just be what we read, there should be something more: either some philosophy or atleast some lyricism. Try to implement this as much as you can.

You're trying to run before you can walk, learn your grammar, learn your vocabulary, read alot and you'll find a writing rythm that suits you and is pleasant to read.

Sorry if i was harsh but this is not good.

[Taylor]

I'm sorry, but if I am clear, I'm only 14, also I'm sorry for using real life struggles, and there is something coming in it, and I honestly love that you were honest, so thank you! But I also feel the need to point out that the way you "feel" and stuff, This story has nothing to do with how you FEEL. Also yes Autumn and Jenni are going to be getting together. But by reading only one chapter you don't know the whole story. Also personalty as a lesbian it is very hard to keep friends, you don't know the struggle. My goal for this story is for lesbians/gay people feel better about themselves, and almost ever lesbian/gay person say that it is hard to keep friends and make it. Its not for Straight people to read and be grossed out. Also you don't know me I do a lot of reading, and I'm very good at Grammar, Vocabulary, and English. So if you don't mind I don't need you to be harsh, you saying its "bad" is what you think, not what you know. I well look into your suggestions, and fix what I can. Thanks for reading Chapter one of Bloodsport! Have a Jolly day!