Chapter 22

We finished not too late but it wasn’t early either.  It was a lot of boring waiting around and cueing lights but it got to be 10pm before I managed to get back to the hotel room that I was hoping to find her waiting in. 

I said goodnight to the rest of the guys and made my way down the hall to the room before I realised I had left my phone at the venue.  Stupid, but I was almost here now, I decided to go back and get it later after I saw her.

I put my key in the room and opened it to darkness.  I walked in flicking lights on and found her curled up in a ball on the bed sound asleep. 

‘Poor baby’ I whispered to myself stroking her hair. 

As I put my weight on the bed she shifted under my touch and opened her eyes up at me.

‘Hmmm, hey’ she said gruffly her voice full of sleep.

‘Hey baby, sorry I woke you’ I said gently.

‘No, it’s ok don’t worry’ she said rubbing her eyes and sitting up. ‘What time is it?’

‘Around 10’ I told her softly.

‘10? Jesus, I must have fallen asleep as soon as I arrived’

‘What time did you arrive?’ I asked her,

‘Hmmm, around 7 I guess, didn’t you get my text message?’

‘No, I left my phone in the room there after we ate and I forgot to pick it up when we left’

She chuckled at me, for some reason she found my ability to lose and forget things charming, I found them inconvenient. 

‘Are you ok?’ I asked her, I was worried about what I had heard on the phone.

She looked up at me with a strange look on her face I had never seen before.

‘Yeah, I’m fine’ She replied.

‘Why were you crying?’ I asked her bluntly.

She frowned at me before she answered.  ‘I was just over reacting really, it’s nothing’ She began to get up from the bed.

I pulled her back wanting an answer ‘Tell me what happened?’ Why wouldn’t she tell me?

She shifted in my grasp. ‘Ok, I don’t want to make a big deal about it.  When I got into the elevator to go to Exos dorm to say bye there were these girls in there.  I don’t know who they were, but they looked maybe your age, maybe younger, I’d never seen them before and . . . ‘She hesitated biting her lip, why was she worried?

‘And?’ I pressed her rubbing her arms.

‘Ok so they obviously thought I couldn’t speak Korean.  They stared at me and began talking about me, they knew I was your girlfriend, and . . .  I don’t know Taemin, maybe I misheard them, they seemed to . . . say things about me.  Mean things.  Usually I wouldn’t be upset I don’t really care with what people think about me, but . . .’ she bit her lip again looking away.

‘Jen’ I pushed her.  I wanted to know what had got her so upset.

‘Ok look so they basically said it’s not serious with you and me, I’m just a prostitute to fill the gap, no white girl will seriously be with someone like you.’  She tutted at the words, ‘Like you’re a god who needs to be with another idol who’s also a god.  One of them seemed to think you had a thing for them’ She looked away from me at this.  It was like she was embarrassed of what they had said, almost like she believed it.

I was annoyed but unfortunately not surprised.  A lot of the girls I worked with thought this way, and a lot of people thought this about anyone white and non-Asian. 

‘You don’t believe it right?’ I asked her worried. 

She snapped her head up.  ‘No of course I don’t.  I’ve heard worse about myself from people.’

‘So, why were you crying?’ I tried to ask kindly, I didn’t understand. 

She frowned and said ‘I’m pretty confident Taemin, but there’s no getting around you’re a big deal here.  Somehow, I ended up feeling pretty worthless and questioning why you were with me. I just didn’t expect it.’

I smiled sadly at her.  ‘You’re a big deal to me’ I told her pulling her into my lap and wrapping my arms around her shoulders.  I nuzzled into her hair, ‘I should have warned you about some of the girls, they have no brains, which is why I would never be interested in any of them’ I pulled back to look at her.  Her soft eyes looked up at me like a wounded puppy making my heart melt.  ‘I love you, that’s all you have to remember, not to fill a gap, and you’re more beautiful than any of them could ever be.’

She sighed and held onto me snuggling into my chest as we sat and hugged for a while. 

‘How come you told Chanyeol?’ I asked her suddenly curious.

She pulled back from me a little to answer ‘Oh well, I got out on the next floor after I listened to them, got back in the elevator and went back to our dorm, I just didn’t want to see anyone then.  I text Chanyeol to apologise and then the next thing I knew he was at the door asking what was wrong, and that’s when I broke down retelling it to him.’ She smiled up at me shyly.

‘I didn’t expect to be emotional over it to be honest.  It just put me in a bad mood and then the next thing I know I’m telling Chan and crying all over the place.  I think I freaked him out to be honest.’

‘Poor baby’ I whispered pulling her back into my arms as close as I could get.  I kissed her forehead and told her ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you’.

‘It’s not your fault Taemin, you can’t protect me from other people.’

It broke my heart a little to hear her say this.  Of course, she was right I couldn’t protect her, not from everything, but I wanted to.  I held her close to me and didn’t let go all night.