chapter 3

I ran back to the villa.  Her laughter still in my head, with the idea of a melody suddenly coming to me.  It was upbeat and happy but slow and real.  I ran into one of the rooms and found the piano I was looking for, finding the right notes and writing everything I came up with furiously down so not to forget it. 

Ideas started to bubble in my head. I worked through the evening writing, perfecting and singing.  It was almost 10pm when I stopped and realised how hungry I had become. 

I looked in the fridge and found nothing I wanted.  Although I had the chef on standby I felt bad to pull them out to cook for me at this time of night. 

Instead I pulled a light jumper over myself and took a walk back down the beach.  I had spotted a few small places on my walk out earlier in the day.  I pulled my cap back over my head and put on my mask.  It was my shield. 

I found a small street stall selling fried rice.  Rice, that’s just what I needed right now.  I ordered and sat down.  No one was around me.  I could hear laughing and the distant boom of a bass coming from a complex down the main road. 

I ate a fast as I could, enjoying the spice and Indonesian style of fried rice.  It was nicer than I anticipated it to be. 

Thanking the small lady who looked filthy cooking in the street I made my way down the main road to look in at the bars. 

I had exhausted myself at home, and I felt like people watching for a while. 

I wandered past bars, blearing out music and stopped to look in at a few.  There seemed to be a live band in every place I past.  Some doing rock, some doing pop, some doing acoustic.  It was good.  People here were talented I thought to myself. 

I stopped outside a large place, filled with people dancing, a band of 6 people were on stage playing a Michael Jackson song I loved.  It drew me in so I decided to get a drink.  It was dark in here and seemed to be filled with what I took to be Australian people.  No one looked at me twice which put me at ease.  I went up the stairs and found it quite empty, settled myself on a small sofa area while looking down at the band.  They were all talented and looked to be having the best time in the world.  The singer had such a strong voice it shocked me.  I was enjoying myself drinking my beer and watching the people dancing, having a ball singing to the music. 

My eyes wandered around falling on a couple who looked extremely into each other, dancing quite out of the beat, arms around each other, obviously oblivious to the rest of the world.  I smiled sadly to myself, wondering what it was like to feel that way. 

I wanted to get up and dance so badly, but I couldn’t bring myself knowing I’d be spotted by someone for sure.  I entertained myself shuffling in my chair and watching the excitement down below me.  My eyes traced the bar, the staff had started some kind of show throwing around bottles, which I had to admit looked impressive until one dropped a bottle all over the floor provoking laughter from the surrounding audience.  He didn’t seem embarrassed by the act instead giggling and taking a deep bow. 

My eyes travelled back to the dance floor and fell on a girl in the middle of the crowd.  She was wearing a black dress that fitted tightly to her body.  She had on high gladiator sandals travelling up her legs.  Her long copper blonde hair swung freely under the spot lights. 

It was her again.  Why do I keep seeing her? What are the chances I dream about this girl and then see her twice.

I watched her for a while.  Actually I gawked at her, unable to look away from her.  Each time I would try and tear my eyes off her for a second they would find her again.  She stood out amongst the crowd to me like a brightly light Christmas tree. 

I ordered another drink to my table, somehow thinking more booze was a good idea. 

I watched as song after song played and she danced, alone in the middle of all those people.  Who was she with?

I turned to receive my drink from the very sweet looking waitress and turned my eyes back towards the dance floor.  I searched, I searched the entire crowd but she had gone.  Was I imaging her while I was awake now? I clicked my tongue in my mouth and pouted.

It was at this rogue thought I then spotted her, heading up the stairs straight towards me.  I froze in fear she was coming over to me, but instead she walked past me and sat straight down into another empty bundle of sofas. 

‘Gek!’ she called up grabbing the attention of the waitress who ran over to her. 

‘aqua satu’ I could hear her saying from behind me.  ‘Makasih’. 

The waitress walked past me to the bar fetching her drink.  I didn’t want to turn around and stare but I felt her eyes in the back of my head.  I tried to relax my shoulders and looked back down at the band and dance floor unable to focus.  I turned my body, intending to look like I was trying to get a better view of downstairs.  I dared a glance sideways at her.  I saw her eyes slide sideways to meet mine and her face broke into a shy smile.  Involuntarily I smiled back and then looked away quickly.  Embarrassed at myself for getting caught looking. 

I now found myself with the same unsettled feeling from earlier in the day.  Tormented by wanting to talk to her, and being so damn shy, I couldn’t move.  I breathed out steading myself and reached into my pocket.  I pulled out a packet of cigarettes I had stupidly bought earlier, for what, for this moment? I was an idiot.  I deliberately hadn’t bought a lighter, not intending to actually smoke.  Without thinking I opened the packet and took one out putting the thin white tip to my lips, and then looked around stupidly.  What was I going to do now?  From the corner of my eye I saw her get up and walk towards me.  The cigarette almost falling from my mouth, she walked straight up to me and stood awkwardly next to me, I looked up at her startled as she said, ‘Do you have a spare one?’ she smiled down at me.  I scrambled at the packet holding it out towards her.  She took one, still looking at me, and lit it, dragging hard before saying ‘Do you need a lighter?’ I meekly nodded as she bent down to light the awful cigarette in my mouth.  I breathed in ridiculously and coughed.  My brain felt fuzzy and I hated the taste.  ‘thanks’ I coughed in her direction.  She had a playfully confused smile on her lips as she winked at me, nodded and went to sit back down. 

 

That could not have gone worse if I had tried to make it so bad. I thought to myself.  Absentmindedly taking drags on the cigarette and cursing myself every time I did. 

I felt dizzy at the smoke, and at having an interaction with the beautiful woman.   

I turned around to look at her, finding she was still staring at me with the same playful expression and narrowed eyes on me. 

‘Are you alone?’ I asked her.  My mouth making the words fall out before I had really registered thinking about them.

She smiled wider at me, her smile touching her eyes as they creased up and lent her arms onto her knees. 

‘that’s the worst line I’ve ever heard’ she giggled.  I scoffed embarrassed and shook my head nervously. 

‘it wasn’t a line . . . ‘ I began to backtrack

‘it’s ok’ her smile widening at me. ‘I’m joking with you.  Yes I’m alone, kind of’

‘kind of?’ I asked, worried. My eyes narrowed at her.

‘I know the band’ she finished, looking down at them. 

‘they’re like my family’ Looking back at me meeting my eyes.

I smiled at her ‘They’re good’

She nodded, there was something in her eyes, something knowing.  Oh god, did she know who I was? I couldn’t hide I was Korean but maybe she didn’t know what kpop was. 

‘They are good’ she said she repeated. ‘are you alone?’ she asked her left eyebrow rising. 

‘yeah I’m on my own’ I replied sighing. 

She looked at me longer than I expected her to then she said, ‘Do you want to join me?’, eyebrow still raised, a slightly incredulous look crossing her face.

Oh god.  Oh god. OH GOD. My insides squirmed.  I did want to.  But I didn’t know how to be.  . . normal.

‘You . . . ‘ I began failing instantly, ‘You wouldn’t mind?’

She shook her copper mane at me smiling widely now.  I smiled back and grabbed my things moving to sit by her. 

She turned to face me, as I attempted to look comfortable sitting with a stranger.  ‘So . . .’ She began.

I twisted my body to mirror hers, subconsciously thinking this was my best way to look comfortable and put my hand behind my head resting my elbow on the back of the sofa. 

‘Do you have a name?’ She looked at me expectantly.  I shifted awkwardly and looked down.  S**t.

‘I . . . er . . . ‘ I mumbled

‘forgot it already?’ she laughed.  That musical laughter catching me off guard again.  ‘too many beers?’ She questioned.

‘no’ I smiled shyly, ‘ sure I do, I’m . .. ‘ I paused wanted to say my name without seeing that look of horror cross her face ‘Taem, call me Taem’. I finished.

She smiled warmly ‘very nice to meet you Taem’ my name on her lips causing my insides to summersault. She held out her hand for me to shake. 

Her skin was soft I noted in the back of my brain and I could smell her, somewhere between coconut and orange.  She smelt familiar too.  Weird. 

‘you?’ I asked coming back to my senses briefly. 

She also paused looking me dead in the eye ‘Call me Jen’ she winked. 

Jen.  Ok.  Breathe Taemin.  I smiled politely to show I understood. 

‘You are not Australian?’ I asked, I had noted before that her accent didn’t have any Aussie in it, but I still couldn’t place it.

‘no, I’m from England’ she breathed, settling herself more comfortably on the couch.  She brought her knees up and rested her head against her elbow.  ‘Are you on holiday?’ she continued her questioning. 

‘yeah I am.  I just got here’ I was happy to have got out a fluent sentence without much thought.  I felt a little braver. 

‘First time?’ her eyebrow wiggled upwards again.  Why did I find that so cute?

‘yeah, I’ve never been before.  Are you on holiday?’ I asked, wondering why I asked such a question.  I got the feeling she wasn’t on holiday.  Luckily she took my question at face value and didn’t find it strange. 

‘No I’ve lived here some time now.’

Why didn’t she look awkward talking to me?  She looked like the most relaxed person in the world.  Like she had known me forever, her eyes didn’t look the least bit nervous.  I was envious of her confidence, sure that when she looked in my eyes all she could see was despair. 

‘what do you do here?’ I asked her.

‘A little of this, a little of that.  I love Asia.  I get bored of England so easily.  I get bored a lot actually’ she signed and turned around to look down at the band.  I followed her gaze and saw one of the members watching her curiously. 

‘your boyfriend?’ I asked attempting to be quite nonchalant but fearing failure.

‘no’ she shook her head and sighed.  ‘I don’t have one’ she wrinkled her nose at me, in a gesture I couldn’t work out for my life what it meant, but it was charming none the less.  I couldn’t help but smile back sheepishly. 

‘and you? You’re alone here? The whole holiday?’ She asked me.

I nodded.  ‘I needed space’.  I said.  As she looked away I could have sworn I heard her say ‘I bet you did’ but a second later she turned back and I was sure I imagined it.  ‘Sometimes people just need space.’ Her face looking serious. 

We sat and listened to the band for a while before speaking again.  I was awkward and still unsure of what to say.  Unsure of life at this point.  She still seemed relaxed around me and she hadn’t acted as if she had known me which I took to mean that she didn’t.  Thankfully she didn’t ask me about my job. 

She stood up looking at me and said, ‘Do you want to come dance with me?’ holding out her hand in my direction.  I must have looked mortified as her expression suddenly changed and became very sweet saying ‘Don’t look so scared, it’s only dancing, If you don’t want to it’s ok’ She shrugged as she turned to go back downstairs assuming I hadn’t wanted to.  I reached out grabbing her hand and she turned back looking me curiously in the eyes ‘Yeah I’ll dance with you.  I like this song’ I shyly tried to explain the reason for my hesitation.  She smiled warmly back and pulled my hand forward with her.  Not saying another word. 

I followed her down the stairs, she was doing that walking while dancing thing as I allowed her to pull me along awkwardly behind her.  I briefly thought to myself I hope no one recognises me on this dance floor.  It was still pretty dark, and I still had my cap on but I couldn’t help the worry that flooded me. 

The song was upbeat, I knew how to dance, obviously, but held back just moving my hips and arms a little as she wiggled next to me.  She wasn’t the worst dancer I had ever seen, but she wasn’t the best either.  Slowly I began to loosen up to the music and found myself laughing with her, catching her eye as she pulled funny faces at me and singing along to the music.  I felt a sense of déjà vu but pushed it out my mind enjoying myself too much.

It felt like an age and no time had passed at all when they suddenly seemed to announce the last song.  I had enjoyed myself a lot.  I had relaxed in this girls company.  Finally I had met a stranger and danced with them, just like anyone else of my age would be doing all over the world.

As the song finished we all clapped, and she turned to me ‘Excuse me a second ok?’ she turned away before I could answer, leaving me standing somewhat clumsily.  I decided I would go back upstairs, finish my very warm beer and settle the bill.  As I reached the top I saw her talking to one of the members of the band, who looked up at me giving me a stern, unpleasant look.  He looked back at her and shrugged.  I paid my bill and hers as she approached me. 

She began asking the waitress for her bill but the woman shook her head pointing at me.  I waved at her with two hands, instantly scalding myself for acting so gay as she walked up to me.  ‘you didn’t need to pay for me’ her smile was huge.

‘sure because water cost’s so much here’ I laughed. 

‘now I feel bad’ she pouted folding her arms across her chest.

I laughed at her mock upset face, she was really adorable. 

‘I think I’ll need to pay you back.  Are you going home now?’ she asked.

‘You don’t need to pay me back.’ I stated, ‘Erm . . . I guess I was planning to’ I looked at my watch.  It was 1.30am.  I hadn’t intended to be outside all night. 

‘oh ok, another time then.’ She said winking.  I followed her outside into the warm air. 

She began to walk towards a motorbike, which surprised me.  I didn’t see her as the driving type here. 

‘do you need a lift?’ she asked looking back at me. 

I thought for a moment, pushing away the thought of saying yes and taking her home with me. I dismissed the idea as soon as I thought it.  I wasn’t that guy no matter how much I sometimes wanted to be. 

I shook my head.  ‘No I’m fine, I’m only a little way down the beach just there.  I’m happy to walk’.

She look at me curiously again for what seemed like the longest time it made me uncomfortable to stand there. 

‘Ok’ she shrugged finally.  ‘maybe I will see you again Mr Taem’ she winked.  She reached out and hugged me around my middle catching me by surprise.  The top of her head brushed against my face and I could smell her so strongly, my shy guy persona almost dropping completely.

She let go of me as soon as she had hugged me.  ‘Make sure you get home safe’ she whispered.  She climbed onto the motorbike pulling a helmet on her head making her look incredibly cute and said ‘Thanks for the dance’.

I giggled and turned to head down to the beach, preferring the privacy of the beach to jog home than the main road. 

When I got home, I ripped off my clothes except for my underwear laid down in the middle of the bed in the very cold air condition filled room and traced every single thing about Jen over and over in my mind before sleep finally took over.