America Elects Its First Oompa Loompa President

NEW YORK, New York - As Pennsylvania is officially called for Donald Trump, the results of the American presidential election are final. Democratic Party nominee Hillary Clinton conceded the race and Donald Trump will succeed Barack Obama to become the next president of the USA. 

While many are lamenting that America did not elect its first woman president, America did have a different first. Trump will make history as the first oompa loompa to win a presidential election. 

As the son of a wealthy chocolate factory worker, Trump was considered too "special" to join his father in the business. His father lent him a large sum of money and sent him to mainland America to find a life for himself. Trump soon realized that being orange helped him fit in with reality television stars and made a living off that and real estate. Eventually, he gained a large enough following to run for president.

Trump appealed to millions of Americans who were worried about immigrants by making campaign promises.

"Oompa loompa

doompity dar

stronger borders

and we will go far," said Trump.

"Oompa loompa

doompity dee

tax cuts for wealthy

economy free.

Oompa loopma

doompity dexicans

we'll build a wall

to keep out the Mexicans."

During the campaign, Trump had to overcome his personal obstacles, as opponents called him out for being orange and having small fingers, but it wasn't enough to dissuade his voters. The day before the election, Trump was worried as he learned about the election process. Luckily for him, his running mate Mike Pence explained to him that he did not need to graduate from the electoral college to be on the ballot.

Trump will return to his native home in Loompaland to celebrate with the other members of his own species, before swearing into office in January.