The Candidate

Hodriges encounters a presidential candidate in her Ohio home.

Ohio senator Daniella McCurfin was considering a presidential run in the upcoming election. She gained a sizeable following when she won her spot in the senate with the campaign slogan “Slide into the DM”. McCurfin knew she would have a fighting chance at the presidency because, well, who didn’t? McCurfin announced her candidacy on an autumn Sunday afternoon. She knew no one would be watching the Browns, so she scored a huge crowd.

Immediately upon becoming a presidential candidate, McCurfin ranked as the tenth-best polling candidate, as predicted by political experts. This was quite impressive, since the candidate count was at 24 - and counting. Realizing that the campaign would be quite the challenge, McCurfin hired a campaign coach named Phil Minao, who had a respected reputation among politicians.

Before McCurfin could begin holding rallies, she would need to learn the political art of kissing babies. The technique needed to be correct so that people would like her, but she also needed to complete the action at an efficient rate. Leading candidate Lew Hoftic had smooched 2,371 babies across the nation, and five other candidates were above the 2,000 milestone. Minao worked with McCurfin on this for a few days before moving on to their next area of focus.

McCurfin had experience only on the senate level, and had never participated in national political debates. With the help of Minao, McCurfin was able to answer any question from a moderator or fellow candidate. The formula for crafting a response that would favor with voters was simple: address the concern in the posed question, explain that she will fix it, then remind everyone that the children are the future of America. Every once in a while, McCurfin would point out that her rivals were not offering actual examples of how they would solve problems.

Just three weeks after entering the race ranked tenth, McCurfin moved up to third in the ranks. Daniella was kissing babies at a record pace and her Super PAC was blowing up with donations. McCurfin appealed greatly to parents, but had not curried favor from college students and single adults. She aimed to boost her rankings by releasing the book she wrote: I Love Cats and My Opponents Don’t. McCurfin could hardly contain her excitement the night before the book was scheduled to release and barely slept at all.

She woke up with a lot of energy, waiting for the book’s official release when she found Hodriges waddling toward her from her closet. As Hodriges lifted his wing to reveal his spikes, Daniella grabbed the gun on her nightstand and shot at his face. Hodriges collapsed on the ground and McCurfin dialed Animal Control.