I don't want to look back...

Just some rambling...

It's always this time of year. Everyone looks back and reflects on the year they had, how far they've come, how much they've changed. But what if I don't want to think back? When I think back, all I can think of is the bad times. March. May. June. July. Scenes play through my head like a movie, a movie I don't want to watch. Why do I only think of these scenes? Why not the good ones? There were good ones, I know it. I just can't find them right now. I prefer to live in the present. The future scares me, and the past ridicules me. I don't know what to do in the next year. I don't know what to do with the rest of my life. Writing this... I'm think back further now. Two years ago. Four years ago. More scenes playing. I wish I had a time-traveling machine to go back and slap myself in the face. All those scenes I spent feeling sorry for myself, and now, thinking back, they're all I can remember. I don't want to look back on the past year, and I don't want to look forward to the next. Can't I just live in the now? Is that even possible anymore?

Author's Note

Just some rambling. Don't ask.

Reviews

[Riding the Rainbow]

I totally liked this piece and I wish I could get back to all those moments that broke my heart..especially when I didn't fight back..Crying and feeling completely alone with my emptyness.

[Silent Wolf]

I really can connect to this. I can only think of bad times and very few of the good ones after reading this. The first thing that popped into my head was my grandmother's death.

[Anna]

I love rambling, it's the purest form of writing. I like it :)

[JaceMass]

That's precisely how I feel about the past year, couldn't have summed it up better myself. I just cannot stand the idea of reliving some of the things that I've experienced in the past year, can I not just block out those painful memories? Why do I have to look back now? Of all times, when I regret things I've done the most.

[Dark Rider]

Wonderful. This is really good. And you make a good point. Why would anyone want to remember the bad times? But sometimes you can learn a few things from those memories as well. All in all, great job! :)

[Joan*Eckhart]

I don't think this is just rambling. I think a lot of people are feeling like this these days, me included.

[Felicity's Eve]

I should show this to my mom since it seems like all she wants to do is commemorate my year; this year.

Photos, journals, etc.

Why I was reluctant to take a pic with you yesterday:

When I am well, when I come home from Mayo, I don't want ANYTHING that will commemorate this awful year. I want no memories of this. Every year we take a Christmas pic and make a greeting card to send to friends and family. I refused to be in the picture.

Just a fresh start, no reminders. :) No pictures, no journal entries. I plan to put all of my get-well cards somewhere I will hopefully never find them again.

Great work. :)

100/100

[Westminster Abbey]

Yeah, the only reason I wanted to take the picture is because I don't have any pics of the two of us together.

[rnuff]

I think everyone can relate to this on some level. Intriguing!

[Forever Hidden]

ABBEY
THIS IS NOR RAMBLING

THIS IS LIKE EQUWIOJKLASD.KLHEHD ;FELL,EUHJNSD IJKERIV39V 3

Eevryone can relate to this! Even my teddy bear ;p

[Grant P.]

In a psychology class I took it was said that we remember bad events in our lives more than good events, because they impact us more. That might explain the repetition of scenes back in your life you don't want to keep seeing. It's always fun to writing these rambles when your bored.