Disease Of Obsession

Love blinds. But how far would you go to keep in your sight that which blinds you to everything else, to pain? How much is one at fault for their actions when blinded by love?

 DISEASE OF OBSESSION 

    Beating down on me, the warm, afternoon sunlight is like a comforting embrace. A soft breeze ruffles my hair and makes the leaves on the trees whisper, as if they're talking about me. They've seen me many times before. My feet know the path so well that they could probably walk it in my sleep. Although even in my dreams I come here, to the one place I can escape from all the hatred and anger that surrounds me at home, to the one place I can feel the emotion that keeps me going; love. To say my love is unrequited would be a huge understatement; the object of my affections never even spares me a glance, but when I see her I can imagine I'm with her, and that is enough to chase away all the dark thoughts that linger in my mind, threatening to engulf me in their despair, so I never let her leave my sight.

     My feet lead me to behind a bush, slightly into the wooded area at the side of the path. Reaching towards the sky, the trees offer a welcome shade, casting a carpet of darkness onto the ground, dried out by the summer sun and beaten by many footsteps; mainly mine. I crouch down, concealed by shadows and foliage, taking in the familiar surroundings and wait. A small, Edwardian style semi-detached house lies opposite me, across the road, and is the main focus of my attention. A black, wrought iron gate marks the start of a short concrete path leading to the three small steps up to the front door which is, I notice, looking at the peeling paint, in desperate need of repair. Noticing that the gate is closed, I smile. I like to see her arrive.
     The sound of footsteps cuts through my thoughts and I shrink back, further into the shadows. A laugh, pure and joyful like water skipping over rocks in the spring fills my senses and makes my heart race with elation; her laugh. The next sound, however, dispels my feelings of happiness and replaces them with confusion. Following her laugh is a second, deeper one. Then a voice. A mans voice. I'm drawn forwards, needing to see. As they approach, lost in conversation that I'm too far away to hear, I study them. They don't notice me, they don't even glance my way; they have no idea they're being watched.
     She is how I always see her; young, happy and breathtaking beautiful. The skin covering her high cheekbones and delicate nose is pale and flawless, a stark contrast to her long, dark hair falling in waves over her shoulders. Her lips, perfectly shaped, are slightly parted and upturned, in a smile. Although I can't see from here, I know that her deep blue eyes will be full of happiness, a happiness I long to feel. She's not alone. The man with her is tall, broad shouldered and blonde haired. I don't take in much about him except the arm he has draped possessively round her shoulders.
     She leads him into the house and closes the door, closing me out. I lean back and exhale heavily. Within me burns an anger so intense it consumes me and causes me to shake uncontrollably. Why him? Why does he have to come and show me how unachievable my dreams are? I may not be with her but, in my mind, I can see her noticing me some day. Loving me. I breathe, trying to calm myself and collect my thoughts. A single word echoes around my mind; 'mine'. She is mine, whether she accepts that or not. And if I can't be with her, neither can he.

     I move as if in a trance. I'm not aware of what I'm doing, only of what I must do. With no recollection of walking there, I'm standing at the gate. Carefully, I push it open. It opens easily, the rusty hinges creaking slightly. The small front garden, obviously once pristine, now lies neglected. Weeds spring up through the many cracks in the path. I continue walking, down the side passage that leads to her garden. I don't take in any of my surroundings, only the quick beat of my heart, showing my fear.
     Her back door is unlocked, as I somehow knew it would be, and I step inside to her kitchen. Still I don't stop, pausing only a moment to pick up a large carving knife from the array of utensils left out. Only when I reach the stairs do I stop. I shrink back, into the shadows, and begin to realise what I'm doing. Feeling the weight of the knife in my hand, I glance down. It's strange, as alien as the object is to me it doesn't feel unnatural. The weight of it in my hand is almost comforting.

     I hear footsteps coming down the stairs, towards me, but I wait, concealed by the shadows. A last ray of afternoon sunlight glances across the blade of the knife, making it shine for a second. Reaching the end of the stairs, the footsteps proceed to a different room, the one I know as hers, the room I've watched from the outside too many times to count. Now, I follow, as silent as a ghost, and see the room from the inside. Suddenly, all my attention is fixed on her. Unaware of my presence, she begins to undress. I trace my eyes over her body, taking in the smooth arch of her shoulders, the way her long, dark hair sweeps across her naked back, like an exquisite silk, down to her perfectly curved hips. Desire burns within me, a desire that started the day I first saw her and has been with me every minute since. I imagine, not for the first time, the feeling of her hair through my hands, the touch of he lips to mine. I close my eyes and imagine being with her, close enough to feel her heart beat against mine, to feel the warmth of her embrace; my only dream, the one she's always denied me of. 'But', I think with a smile, 'no longer.

     Unable to stop myself, I walk forwards, towards her. I think of nothing else. She begins to turn towards me and I smile as I realise how perfectly this has worked out. One more step and I'm right behind her, so close I can smell the scent of her hair. One small movement of my hand is all it takes. Her eyes widen and she let's out a small gasp before falling to the floor. I kneel beside her and stroke a single finger along her cheek then cup her face in my hand. Her breathing gets faster and shallower and is the only sound she makes. A single tear leaks out the corner of her eye as she looks at me, her expression confused. I smile at her and think how fitting it is that the last person she'll ever see is the one she tried hardest to avoid. She breathes one last time and her eyelids gently flutter closed. I can't help thinking how peaceful she looks, lying there. Even the blood spreading slowly from the wound in her chest is transfixing, like a drop of ink across a petal.
     The only sound is the steady drip of her blood onto the wooden floor, pooling around her and staining her delicate skin a violent red, the colour of passion. Watching her now, I forget the rest of the world. All that matters is me and her, together, and now no one can ever take her from me.
Her eyes, still open, seem to whisper to my soul, stirring the pain I hide there, built up from a lifetime of being hurt. She has always been the only way I could escape from it. When I'm with her, I can forget it. Now I can be with her forever. I reach out and pull the knife from her chest, causing a fresh wave of blood to hit the floor. I stare at it for a second, a twinge of doubt spreading in my mind. I quickly push the doubt away. I breathe in and close my eyes.

     When I next open them, I see her. Just her. She smiles and reaches out her arms to me. I walk towards her, returning her smile. She leads me willingly away. Finally, after a lifetime of longing, I'm no longer alone. I feel a final unfamiliar sense, an explosion. Pure happiness. Then total, blissful peace.

Reviews

[Mila]

This was very lovely! It engaged me from the start and kept my attention throughout.
If I could offer any advice, it would be to make sure that you don't use commas as a crutch too much. Sometimes we want our sentences to keep going because the thought isn't over yet, but its perfectly alright to split it into two sentences if need be. That sort of judgement call usually comes from re-reading it through and seeing out the words naturally fit in together and where the breaks should go.
Other than that, this was a great read! Well done! :)

[Kat Campbell]

Thank you!! I'll take that on board :)