Structural Integrity

the efforts made in vain

the toothpaste in the sink

the weeping next door

the snoring down the hall

the locked bathroom door

the stained carpet in the hallway

the locked garden gate

the lights

the sound

the fretful nerd

the crumbling teacher

the disrupted architect 

and me

the sun was up and 

the lights were on

the book was open and 

the mind was torn

the study was ablaze and 

the dean was there

the pillars were up but 

the roof was gone

I did the best I could

Reviews

[ashkat]

I loved reading this... it was like watching a staccato film, in ever switching freeze frames.

I will say; I find it quite difficult to engage with a lot of writers' pieces on here. It's one of the reasons I don't always comment.

I'm not a massive fan of really wordy poetry (that's not to say it's not an art form or talent!).

You manage to make a real impression with even a smattering of words. It's a real talent I think. There's more to creative writing than seeming as though you've swallowed a thesaurus; it's about the repetition and rhythm, the visuals of the words on screen/paper; the ability to create a scene from very little. Minimalist poetry?

It's very powerful, anyway.

[redalia]

thank you, i really enjoy writing this type of poetry, like showing someone a bunch of photographs and letting them take from it what they will.
I'm not a fan of really wordy poetry either, most of the time it sounds pretentious to me. but yes, it's still a respectful art form, even though it's not everyone's cup of tea. less is more sometimes.
thank you so much for the lovely words, i really appreciate it! and thanks for reading!

[Chris]

"...so say we all..."

Ever think about how someone WILL read what you thought - as you lived it?

[alanwgraham]

I laughed at this poem. Its easy to read, flows well and tells a story. Oh, and witty! Things can conspire to drive you mad every so often. Your line 'the mind was torn' sums it up well.
Good work.
regards, Alan

[redalia]

thank you for reading and taking the time to leave a review!

[poetgurl]

This is so good, enjoyable to read

[Einstein Noodle]

just sat and smiled ...what more can one ask but the best we can do eh!? keeping it real redalia ..keeping it real
E.

[redalia]

the upsetting part is that it seems the best we can do is almost never enough. thank you so much (again!) for reading!

[Einstein Noodle]

yes...it sure does sometimes feel that way ... not giving up becomes an answer in itself ;)

[redalia]

you're right. well, that was motivating to me, thank you Einstein