Lobsters (Nonetheless)

i.

lovesick lobster

licked closed a love letter

 

a well rehearsed speech

slipped into a well fitted blazer

that’s when a well educated butcher decided 

as frowned upon as it may be

it’d be best to lay down the act and 

to remain on stage without being tied to it

evidently she ended up breaking her leg dancing 

to someone else’s slow song 

yet she kept the same pair of white pantyhose on

as she did in the beginning,

and did not limp once

leaving

a lover’s lip trembling

a baker with a slack jaw

and a teacher in tears

ii.

someone then came out and said

so what? there’s nothing more common 

than a broken limb 

and just like you can’t argue with that, you know

there’s nothing more usual 

than reaching to take home the whole plate

but walking right out

when you’re told it’s not your cake

in the middle of the act

iii.

it does get tiring 

I said

telling love stories

composed in such a way that you could just

sum them all up

with a simple

they loved 

each other, nonetheless

Author's Note

reviews are always appreciated!

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

Very interesting, Redalia. Unusual, and whimsical which I like.
Perhaps there may be a few excess words and spots that need punctuation
i.e.
when a well educated butcher decided,
as frowned upon as it may be,
it’d be best to lay down the act and
remain on stage without being tied to it

she ended up breaking her leg dancing
to someone else’s slow song

italicize 'so what? there’s nothing more common
than a broken limb' to denote the person talking.

as I said, I like this for the whimsy and unique aspect.

[redalia]

thank you for your review!
i thought "that's" was quite necessary there because it refers to the previous lines (it indicates a specific time, if i get rid of it, it kinda loses meaning). then again, sorry if i'm wrong cause english isn't my native language. also, if i keep "that's" and get rid of "to", it messes up the rhythm.
you're right about the punctuations, i'll add them!
i used indentations to indicate which parts are spoken, so, i didn't think it was necessary to italicize.
thanks again for your constructive feedback

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

wow very interesting evocative way u write here. Super cool wording and phrasing. A lobsters fate ahh enjoyed. Kudos.

merry xmas

[redalia]

thank you for the feedback! glad you enjoyed.
merry christmas x

[merit]

Pleasure is mine ;)
Having said that did u think Friends w a ghost could've done without v last verse? For one mo I thought I ranted in that xD

[redalia]

now that i've read it again without the last verse, i think it'd work! you'd be leaving it more mysteriously. plus, the subject kinda changes in the last verse, i think?

[merit]

Yeah:))
I thought of it too, I will try a few other ideas my friend suggested, today with it plus try tweak the ending a bit

[merit]

I like the abstract images of this one,thought provoking x

[redalia]

thank you for reading, glad you like it!