Losing

just thinking about some stuff

I have nothing

and I keep losing.

I remember the last time

I won:

I had a boy sat on top of my head;

a helpless, hectic-natured boy

right on top of my head. 

He sat there because he would fit nowhere

else. I couldn’t 

squeeze him into my heart.

He wouldn’t fit anywhere,

the weirdo.

I’m almost sure 

the only reason why I thought I’d lost again

when he fell off was that

he was something I had. 

I won my solitude back,

I believe I deserved my solitude.

I’ve lost that too.

I have nothing

and I keep losing.

I have nothing to lose

but I keep losing.

I have nothing

and I’m apparently in debt.

I pay when 

I have something.

Guaranteed,

I lose 

whatever I have

the moment I win it.

Now, 

why would I fight for something 

or anything

just to have it 

for only a moment?

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

why indeed ;) very creative stuff ... repetition works for me ... love the image of the guy on top of her head .."right on top of my head." ... the "..hectic- natured boy" ... precise description..i can see him sitting there fidgeting all over the place .. not comfortable at all ;) the last time i won something was in about 4th grade at a school carnival ... i won a couple cakes in the cake walk game ..kept one for me Ma' and gave the others away ... i guess my Catholic upbringing had a sway on my "charity" ;)
E.

[redalia]

thank you, i appreciate your review!
repetition kind of represents the repetitive nature of winning-losing.
i appreciate that you picked up on how uncomfortable it is to have a hectic-natured boy on your head.
i think it's so sweet how you made the decision to give the extra cakes away at that young age!

[Einstein Noodle]

might be the only near pure act of me life ;}