Chapter Five

Ky's re-education begins. Things don't seem to make any sense. And he comes face-to-face with Amelia.

The room had a large projector screen against one wall, and a large chair in the middle. The chair had arm and leg restraints, a weird helmet-like thing, and an I.V. next to it. 

"Mr. Marks. How do you do? I'm Amelia Zummer. I will be overseeing your re-education." 

"Cut the crap, Amelia. We know all about your little relationship with Ky." Ingrid said coldly. 

Amelia glared at Ingrid with a hatred in her eyes, that I have never seen. She grabbed Ingrid by the arm pulled her out of the room. They left me and shut the door. I could hear the whispers outside the room. 

"I don't care if you're the leader's daughter. He's one of THEM!" Ingrid was angry. "If you can't do this the way it's supposed to be done, I will not hesitate to notify command."

"You will do no such thing!" Amelia sounded strong and rageful, I don't know this side of her. "If you know about Ky and I, then you also know that he's the son of Susan Marks. She will not hesitate to blow this place up to get back her son. Also, that room is full of hidden mics. I know a lot more than you think I do."

Silence. 

"Now, let's continue with the re-education." 

I heard the locking mechanism click, and stepped away from the door. Ingrid walked in, then Amelia. Something about her looked different. Her brown hair was no longer curly, rather it was straight and fell across her shoulders. She was wearing a navy blue suit like the one Ingrid was wearing, but on the shoulders were two stripes, one orange and one black. Her normally kind eyes were now tired and full of rage. I wondered what happened to her since I left. 

"If you would take your seat, Ky." Amelia motioned to the death-chair in the middle of the room. 

I walked over to the chair, still in shock. I sat down and tried to wrap my mind around the fact that she was here. I felt a sharp point enter my arm. I looked down as Amelia was inserting an IV needle into my arm. She looked up at me and whispered sorry. I soon felt dizzy and nauseated. The room went black and the screen lit up. A series of imaged started to flash up. I tried to close my eyes, but I had no control over them. What did they put in my arm? 

After about an hour, the screen went black and the lights came on. I still felt dizzy, and craved something to eat. Ingrid came over and untied me from the chair. 

"How are you feeling?" she asked me.

"Dizzy."

"That's side effects of the serum we gave you."

"I figured. So, can I eat or is that illegal?"

She laughed. "No. You can eat. You can either eat in the dining hall or alone in your cell."

"Alone. Don't think I'll make to many friends here."

"Okay. Whatever you say. Now, come on, let's get you back to your cell." She grabbed my hand and pulled me behind her. Why is she being so nice? Where did Amelia go? 

After we got to my cell, she brought me some lunch. It was just a bowl of chicken soup with a yeast roll. I devoured it. I forgot I hadn't eaten in four days. When I was done, Ingrid came back to collect my tray. 

"Thanks. I do have a question though."

"Okay. Can't promise an answer."

"What happened to the rest of my squadron?"

"Well, eight of them are dead. Four are unaccounted for."

"Okay. Thank you. Just one more thing. Why are you being so nice?"

She looked around to make sure no one was there. She opened my cell and walked in. She came closer to my face, and kissed me. Her lips were sweet like candy. 

I pulled away and stared at her. "What the hell was that?"

She just smiled and walked away. 

"Hey! What's going on?" I touched my lips. Why did she do that? Is it part of the re-education? Whatever the case, I need to keep my guard up. 

Author's Note

I understand the the book is moving quite fast. There is a reason, I promise you.

Reviews

[Alleyway Rover]

The chapters are very short, so I’ll give kind of an overview of chapters two through five.

Overall I feel like you are moving through the plot way too fast. There’s no structure to it at this point and no time for settings, character development, theme or much of anything else. I feel that Amelias appearance should be this major shocker. It should be right up there with O’Brien’s appearance in the Ministry of Love in George Orwell’s book 1984 (If you haven’t read it, you might give it a look. Judging from some of scenes and themes here, you might like it.) The problem is that you haven’t had enough time to weave a nice, deceitful web of lies and misinfomation that makes Amelia’s appearance seem to come out of nowhere.

I feel like there are some scenes that you know and have known about for quite a while in your head. In between those few scenes, I feel like you don’t know quite what should happen so you kinda run through it all in an effort to get to the next scene. For me, the reader, the effect is a bit like being yanked violently from place to place without any time to try and understand what is going on, a chance to sit down and really try and put the pieces together.

I have a couple of suggestions. First, have you outlined your book at all? If not, you might consider it. I feel like you’ve got some scenes that you know quite well. If you are anything like me, they are scenes that have played in your mind’s eye over and over again and you have a pretty good idea of what should happen in those scenes.

If you have a nice, easy-to-follow outline of your book it’s easier to see the story structure and plot development. Outlining takes quite a bit of time and it’s one of those activities that feels like a lot of work for no tangible benefit. I just finished the outline to my second novel; it took the better part of a month to get all the way through and, in the end, I had exactly zero words of an actual manuscript.

The good news is that when you are done, you know exactly what happens in every scene and in every Act so pounding out a couple thousand words in a couple of hours becomes frighteningly easy.

The other suggestion you might consider. Kind of like your first scene, pick out the critical scenes in your book so far and write the hell out of them. Describe every sight, sound, smell and texture. Let your characters ramble about whatever is in their heads at the moment. Maybe to the point of over writing certain scenes if you need to.

Write out the ones you know and maybe worry about filling in the spaces in between later. You might find in the process of writing those scenes out a little more you will understand what needs to happen in between.

I hope this gives you some ideas on moving forward with this piece. There really are some very cool ideas. There is a kind of Romeo and Juliet meets 1984 with a small dose of A Clockwork Orange sprinkled on top. I have to admit I am very curious as to where this crazy ride is going.

Cheers!

[Rebekah Craig]

Thanks! I know the plot is moving too fast. I want a fast pace, however it is very jumpy and I'm working on that. I'm trying to space things out and not worry about writing it too fast. Thanks for the suggestions though. Do you have any about kind of where the plots going it about what you, as the reader, would like to see?

[Alleyway Rover]

No not really at this point. That might change when I get a better sense of where you are ultimately going with this, but right now your plot is good. There are some logical questions I have, but given the stage of the creative process that this is in, I don't feel it would be helpful to get deep into the minutia at this point.
And overall your attitude is probably the right one. Getting the whole thing down on paper (or on screen?) makes it easier to work with then spending lots of time on the early chapters.
Carry on, I look forward to more.