Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.

Dude, you're so fn cool. Love you.

There originally was a reason, John

That you were on that side of the desk

Why every night, your kind amber eyes

Held hope that I'd make it to the next

-

You told me that I woke up gently

At 3am, my blood pressure was low

"I'll be back in an hour, you'll be alright"

You assured me though you didn't know

-

You saved a seat for me in the van

Soft demeanors with traumatized hearts

When the music understood the pain

It felt like therapy until we parked 

-

Many years have passed since then

And I watched you live the promises

A self-fulfilling prophecy, you are

As you gave more and took less

-

The nights slowly turned to excuses

For why you had to stop showing up

A marriage, a child, and life as it is

Until everyone was pouring in your cup

-

Over time, you quieted to a whisper

Until the addiction had room to speak

Fabricating a methodical strike

It knows exactly when you are weak

-

It's who says, "she doesn't understand me",

"It won't be bad like it was back then",

"I'm just having fun and I'm recovered now"

And it will not cease to be your only friend

-

Now everything is a trigger again, love

There sits no angel on the devils side

Choices you make of your own free "will"

Are all done in vain to serve a lie

-

I wish I could come to your side at night

Show you everything you did to me

I want to tell you it will be alright

Even if right now you might disagree

-

The hardest part is breaking away

From a void that will watch you die

You do not have to stay this way

But you already know what that's like

-

It all comes down to you, my dear

In the loneliest way to reconnect

Remember the reasons you fought for this

Is being an alcoholic something you can accept?

Reviews

[Ookpik]

Ah this was really refreshing to read; it feels unapologetic, honest. I resonate a lot with the subject matter and the almost mutual compassion the narrator shows the addressee (John) is really admirable.

I've never done time, and I'm not a pretty girl, but I almost get the impression that John is like a parole officer, or a social worker, and that though a desk might separate him from the speaker, they've always looked out for one another and are kindred spirits in that way - mutual alcoholism being the obvious link, but the relationship feels more predicated on kindness than anything else.

Really clean writing. I've been off and on the wagon more times than I can count and always appreciate a poem that feels as though it comes from a real place. The picture, too, resonated a lot. Nice work.

Thanks for sharing,

-Ook

[Rebecca Hope Rouston]

I appreciate your feedback. This truly came from a place of lived experience and respect for the people who saved me. Thank you for reading.

[Ookpik]

I'd gotten that impression. You're very welcome.

[willweb]

It is sad the excuses that float to the top when the bottle has once again been emptied. I have known a few like this and some wake to the demons and others move in next door. Nicely expressed.

[Rebecca Hope Rouston]

"some wake to the demons and others move in next door"
That was an inspiring comment, do you mind if I use that line?