Ambulance.

I wrote this the day I got out of the hospital. I was writing it in my head at Havenwyck, piece by piece, coming up with lines that fit my emotions while lying awake at night.

There's no way to escape

With a white band on her wrist

Everything she knew and everything she loved

Taken by the ambulance lights in front of her

 

There's nothing she can do

With the straps holding her down

Whenever she slept and whenever she'd wake

He'd always be the very first thing she'd see

 

There's no one listening

With the screams she's letting out

However she yells and however she cries

No one sees her incredulous face

 

There's no letting go

With the memory that haunts her

Somehow she's here and somehow he's oblivious

And he doesn't know she still loves him

 

There's no way to escape

With this white band on my wrist

Where ever I am or where ever I'll be 

I'll always be in love with him...

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

First, I'll go with my review of your verse... the underline statement of the beginning and ending lines with:

There's no way to escape
With this white band on my wrist

seems to be a theme playing in your mind at the time this was written... and you mange to start and end the verse with a certain image to the reader... the rest fills in the meaning... I would change:

Ambulence/ Ambulance also...

Thanks for sharing...

[An owl on the moon]

Vivid and amazing in your depth and emotion in this one. So tragic and haunting; the desperation we feel when we are lost to someone we love... Everything about your work here is brilliant and moving!

[Mariah]

omgoodness, just think.
i did the SAME thing,
but took a bottle of pills, because of *some guy*
i got over him.
and you can too. !
stay strong.

[Travis Lawrence]

Beautiful, Rebecca. I love the ambulance metaphor. A broken heart can feel like the fringes of death, right? You convey the hopelessness, and the helplessness, and everything between, making the poem especially relatable to everyone who's ever been crushed like this (and who hasn't?).

The ellipses at the end is a nice tough, too, because it gives the love the sense of endlessness. That's what I thought, anyway.

Have a nice day!

[Kelsie :]]

wow that was really deep. im so happy i found someone with a page that i know haha. i look forward to read more of your work. i feel the same way about a special someone to. dont worry you arnt the only one :)
good work!

[Michael J. Gyulai]

moving, well-written, and, most impressively, modern. wonderful synergy of timeless emotion with modern-day reference ("the white band on my wrist")