Trigger

yet another poem where someone dies, yes. this is about the war.

Standing knowingly of

What is to come

I watch his eyes glow

In sense of fatal power

And I feel 

My hands go terribly numb

And I know he is 

Some mothers son

With a family, character,

And life

Its appallingly easy to pull

A trigger or lunge with a knife

A thought holds me back

But not him

And as he holds up the gun

It seems extremely dim

And as he pulls the trigger

A dreadful echo in my head 

Of that child who thew a

Ball for fun

And now I lay here

Dead

Author's Note

ignore rubbishness and now what do you think?

Reviews

[DrD]

Tell the truth, you're not ten, right? You're some chick that someone told you that you were a ten. Ten year olds don't think like this . . . . at least not in my day. But however old you are, this is a work of merit and you should be proud. It was a great read.

[Rebecca James age 10]

Sorry It took so long to reply! Haha I did write this when I was ten last year :D Thank you!

[Sacha Davison]

This is very powerful. I do not believe for a moment that you are ten years old, however I agree with DrD when he declare this an excellent piece of work- regardless of your age. Keep up the great work!

[Rebecca James age 10]

Sorry I took so long to reply I haven't been on writers cafe for a year now! Haha I did write this when I was ten and thank you! :D

[Athera Rose]

Extremely sad and wonderful poem. Love the emotions it provokes

[Rebecca James age 10]

thank you for your lovely comment

[Rebecca James age 10]

:]

[Carson Scott]

Wow! I don't know what to say other than it's truly amazing. You have an amazing gift!
Something like this is really rare.

[Rebecca James age 10]

:] thank you for your constructive review

[luviva]

wow, this is the true reality of a parent who has lost their beloved sons to war. watching them put on that brave face that you never saw when they were young running across the courtyard.
so innocent and just gets you reading.
loved it!!

[Rebecca James age 10]

:] thank you

[Ees]

Lovely.
Everybody is somebody else's child. It is good to remind us all of that. I also don't believe that you are ten. I have worked with charming, sweet, spirited and well educated ten year old girls... I know that none of them could think to write this way.
But that also doesn't matter. The point is good and well delivered. Good job.

[Rebecca James age 10]

yes i am 10 lots of people say they dont belive it hahaha but thank you:]

[Dr. Wood ?]

too clever for ME

[Infinite hexes]

Nice paragraphing. You used you words perfectly :)

[Rebecca James age 10]

thank you

[Tex]

This is a remarkable write. just stunning. I like that you think deeper below the surface in this piece for example:

And I know he is
Some mothers son

and:

Of that child who thew a
Ball for fun

you have the makings of a writer who will one day be published... when that day comes... remember us little people.

[Rebecca James age 10]

Thank you I really did not think my writing was very good but you have motivated me. I will keep writing poems and hope to see more of yours!

[Rebecca James age 10]

:]

[quinfinn]

i won't banter at you about your age being a factor in you writing skills. in my opinion a poets soul is a poets soul, and you own that very gift. this is remarkable and poignant and very impressive. i look forward to receiving a signed copy of your first published works. never stop feeling the passion. that is my only advice, you need no other guidance. well done...

[Rebecca James age 10]

thank you :]