Frozen King

Piece dedicated to the person I love... Spoken trough the echoing thoughts of the frozen emperor...

It feels like millenniums have passed...
I'm cold...
So cold...
Who am I you ask?
I'm nobody...
I am the ruler of this frozen waste...
I have no army...
No living soul...
Only ice...
Chains...
Darkness...
I have nothing...

...

...
...
A spark...
A kiss...
You're eyes are closed...
What is this?
Is this the moment of my life?
No... It's just a dream...
I know it is...
But it feels so real!
Your lips melting the ice from mine...
They are so warm... So warm,
it almost makes makes me feel alive...
Who are you?
Why... Why have you come,
to me, the frozen king?
I witness my own awakening
as a tear drops from my eye...
Carving trough the ice...
It burns...
My throne is shattered...
It's melting beneath me.
Even the glaciers of eternity...
Even they show no power against your burning kiss...
Chains... Frozen no more...
Your skin is soft...
So soft...
I embrace you...
I embrace this moment,
With my frozen hands.
The image trapped in ice...
I want to feel this forever...
But the ice...
The ice is too strong...
Did this really happen?
No... It didn't...
But it will... Someday...
Because if it doesn't...
I have no purpose...
This throne of ice...
These chilling chains
that bound me to it...
This body... Frozen...
For eternity...
All of that wouldn't have any purpose...
This spark...
It gives me hope...
Hope that someday...
Someday I will feel...
the warmth of sun...
The touch of grass...
The tingling of wind...
Your... Your lips...
This spark...
It still burns inside...
Inside the shards of ice that froze my life...
It still burns...
But now...
There is no sky for me...
Only darkness...
In my frozen realm...
On my throne...
I sleep...
But someday...
I feel that my eyes...
My eyes will open...
And i will see...
A spark...
A kiss...

...
   Sarah... 

Author's Note

The triple dots were placed to enhance the feeling of echoing thoughts of the slow, long frozen emperor...

Reviews

[emmajoy]

Your poem is beautiful and is both subtly erotic and exotic. Never quite seen words thaw then tickle the sight like this.. tis extraordinary, almost mesmerising. There are so many gently placed phrases, tis hard to select one that flashes into my mind.. too many might stun .Okay, okay .. after a third read,

'Your skin is soft...
So soft...
I embrace you...
I embrace this moment,
With my frozen hands.
The image trapped in ice...
I want to feel this forever...
But the ice...
The ice is too strong...
Did this really happen?
No... It didn't...
But it will... Someday... '

Sigh.

[Mirko Galušić]

Thanks for the great review!

[emmajoy]

you're welcome

[Grey Evanescent]

Excellent piece!
Dramatic.

I know someday you'll meet her- the girl who'll free you from your torment.
:D Have a good day~!

[Moonie]

This sounds very passionate, as if the lover had completely devoted himself. Beautiful and haunting!! My favourite lines would be
"I witness my own awakening
as a tear drops from my eye... 
Carving trough the ice... 
It burns... "
This one reads like a fairy tale, and the structure complements that impression.

[PurpleQuartz]

This is amazing. Beautiful and captivating and with such a glorious aura that it caught me in it's words straight away. The feeling that you weaved gently was extremely powerful and in all honest truth; I am in awe. The repetition of the ellipsis made me think of water dropping from icicles. Bravo dear writer! 100/100

[Mirko Galušić]

Thank you very much :)

[Brianna Brie]

Your lips melting the ice from mine...
They are so warm... So warm,
it almost makes makes me feel alive...
Who are you?
Why... Why have you come,
to me, the frozen king?
I witness my own awakening
as a tear drops from my eye...
Carving trough the ice...

My favorite lines are "Why... Why have you come, to me, the frozen king?" It reminds me of the unbelief when love suddenly finds me and reaches even the iciest parts of me. Great job!

[Danielle Anatomyy]

What can I say except beautiful?

This poem literally left me at a loss for words; I'm breathless. You really took me and put me in the spot of the emperor; I feel like I actually felt his longing to be released from his icy prison and into the world. It is the only way for him to be with his dear Sarah, and though we are told from a young age "if you love something, let it go," it's honestly a lot harder than the quote portrays. Something tells me, though, the ice king would wait an eternity to reach his beloved. Your work always leaves me hanging on for more.

[Mason]

The verses surrounding the burning kiss felt most inspired of the entire poem. These lines of the poem held such powerful imagery. These two lines in particular had the strongest impact of any in the poem.
"as a tear drops from my eye...
Carving through the ice..."
It's almost a little disappointing that this same power wasn't present more often throughout the poem, but it creates a sharp contrast between the dream of the kiss and the dark, eternal cold of the king's reality before and after the dream.
Ellipses are unnecessary. They can't accomplish the feeling of echoing you're trying to instill in the reader. You need to create an echo with your words like repeating things such as "cold. So cold" or "warm. So warm" or anything of that nature. You can even play around with fonts or text color to create a visual representation of echoing that should still be reflected in your words.
Thanks for submitting.

[Mirko Galušić]

The dots are there to slow the reader down, so he can really feel the slowness of the frozen emperors words... The accent was on his SLOW echoing voice, with echoing not being really related to the dots :) the echoes you presented are good, but won't slow the reader down, they might do that only for a verse, but nothing more, though the echo is too strong with them and might become irritating and too heavy... That's just my opinion, thank you reviewing my piece, cheers!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

seeing ourselves in love from outside ourselves...sometimes even with that objectivity we feel we are in a dream...that state of disbelief that someone could love us like this....but it can happen, and does.

really strong love poem.

jacob

[MADAM]

0-0) *claps* Bravo! this is a really amazing write! Since this is about the one you love, I am going to go ahead and make the assumption that you are the frozen king here? This is very well written an quite relatable actually. I can't actually analyze this since the theme is already prevalent and obvious (unless you have a double meaning, and in that case please tell me! id be VERY interested to hear that) But I do like that you keep it realistic in that he didn't immediately "melt" because love doesn't usually happen like that. She gave the ice king hope that he could be loved. I love this so much XD reminds me of my poetry haha, anyways, thank you for entering this, i seriously enjoyed reading this.

[Angel Criner]

Beautiful...
I was forced to feel loneliness and restrictions from a man who's flame grew as a burning desire that demanded itself line after line.
Loved it