"Safe"

Written for my beautiful daughter on her 30 th. birthday, as she fought to find closure after a recent heartbreak....

I thought that it was good
and then that moment changed.
I waited for the better,
but better was too slow.
I thought that maybe I could
blend with something “strange”,
but never would I ever hide in it’s shadow.
And when I moved much nearer,
you kept your hands clean;
until I discovered
how you adored the chase.
Running to the mirror,
beauty behind the screen,
I could be your lover,but imprint was replaced.
So as you display your art;
to the repertoire in mind,
remember where you’re going,
and the truth I speak of.
Fearful seas may always part;
water embraces wine,
but you can hide in knowing,
you’re still safe from my love…

Author's Note

Reviews are requested, honesty preferred.

Reviews

[Chris]

Powerful ending, consistent rhyme scheme, and wonderful wording and flowed like water.

Judging by the first few lines I thought this was going to be a cliche kind of piece, but the 4th line kicked me in the jaw.

The only criticism I woulde give is the length. I wanted more, but that's just me xP

[flyingdreams]

brilliant piece. Every line sort of changed my perception as to where the poem was leading. Loved the imagery as well.

[K.C. Zbryk]

This was a wonderfully penned piece, that has a pristine flow. It's full of deep thoughts and powerful observations that pull the reader into the piece itself. I think the length is appropriate, and in all reality it leaves the reader feeling the same as the speaker in the poem. As if the whole experience was too short. Beautifully passionate, although sad

[...]

written with rare intensity and a rarer love
love has strange ways
and it's a struggle to make peace
with it

[Kenneth The Poet]

I am glad that moms love their children as much as they do. Nice work again.

[w2de35657u687y4324rf]

"And when I moved much nearer,
you kept your hands clean;
until I discovered
how you adored the chase"
These lines spread a crude smirk 'cross my fancy. Beautifully dark, yet terrifying. I wonder, how did your daughter take it?

[Daniel Affsprung]

Im glad you requested me muse, and I greatly appreciated that first review. I'll be keeping up with your work as well. As for this piece in particular, I found it inspiring as well as down-to-earth. Very well done, I look forward to reading more

[Jeremy Baker]

Your daughter is indeed lucky. This is a message that I as a parent dread to think about giving my children, but it's inevitable. This writing is graceful and tender, with some amazing imagery. Very well written.