Someday You'll Walk Through Walls

Someday you'll walk through walls and stare peril in the face, its breath of flame licking your heart. A real transcript of my depressed best friend and I's conversation. I aim to inspire.

Her: Recently my feelings have always been either whatever idk or me freaking out like ahhhh what shall I do

Her: Or just idk

Me: hmmm calm down maybe

Her: No I'm really calm

Me: u stress out over minor things

Her: Ik

Me: so whenever you feel AHHHHHHHHHH, just think objectively - will this or will this not affect the day I die?

Me: or the rest of my life?

Her: It always will

Her: And so I feel so.... U know bc every time I'm around [my crush] all I say is wow in a really exaggerated tone

Me: no it wont

Her: Well depends

Me: tell me something bad that happened and I''ll rate it on the scale

Her: Umm I say wow in a really exaggerated tone to mine every time he does something

Me: 10 being AFFECT FREAK OUT IMMEDIATELY and 1 being chillllllll

Her: People hate me

Me: first one's a two

Her: I'm a mess

Me: that one is DEFINITELY a 1, the people hate me, bc I don't hate you

Her: My life is just.... Idk how to even explain it

Her: Ik bc ur nice and a great friend but others aren't

Me: otherwise your just saying that my opinion doesn't matter

Me: your life will get better - 3

Her: No it does to me so much

Me: and you're not a mess but 5

Her: See I'm already on a 5

Me: CAN I TELL YOU A STORY

Her: YES

Me: this is from a book That I hate but it makes a lot of sense

Me: so there was a boy and a girl

Her: Okay

Me: the boy was dying and they were in love

Her: Mmmhmmm

Me: but the boy, you see, wanted to be a hero. He wanted to save the world and touch hearts

Her: Okay

Me: but the girl was a much simpler person than that

Me: she just wanted to love him

Her: So opposites

Me: and she told him so

Me: she told him that he had already touched her heart and that should have been enough

Me: It wasn't enough for him

Her: Wasn't enough for her??

Me: no for him

Me: he wanted the whole world and all he had was her

Me: he wasn't satisfied with that

Her: Ohh okay

Her: Wow I would've been satisfied u got to have a simple life if u want to enjoy it

Me: and when he died

Her: Yeah.....

Me: she was all alone, with only a touched heart

Me: and she reached out to the world and touched more hearts

Her: That's cute well not the alone part

Me: so his dream would come true

Me: even if he wasn't around to see it

Her: That's so nice of her I probably would've done that to like fulfill [my crush's] dreams but idk if I'd accomplish it

Her: Bc I basically fail a lot

Me: the thing is annie

Me: even if you don't accomplish it

Her: Yes....

Me: someone else is always around to finish the job for you

Her: I want to finish it

Me: and do you want to know why

Her: No let me finish the sentence

Me: because they love you

Her: Yup

Her: But let me finish the sentence

Me: okay do it

Her: Even if I don't accomplish it nothing will ever change [my crush] will never like me and everything will be the way it is now or worse

Me: ??????

Me: HOW DID YOU GET THAT

Her: Get what???

Her: My conclusion

Me: anyway that was inspired by the fault in our stars, and the real scene was that she was disappointed that she couldn't have been his world

Me: and yeah ur conclusion is bull farts

Me: THE POINT IS THAT APPRECIATE WHAT U HAVE AND WHO LOVES YOU

Me: AND EVENTUALLY YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE

Her: Nope it's the truth based on the realistic life I have and a heart that had been through way too many painful eras

Me: You've only lived one decade

Me: 13 winters

Me: this is not the end

Her: "The point is appreciate what I have and who loves me" I never did that how I got myself into this rn

Me: this is the beginning

Me: chances are you will live 9 maybe ten more decades

Her: And my heart had already gone through so many idk Kaelyn idk

Her: No about 8 the best 9

Me: and yet you survived

Her: I did but not my heart

Me: you cannot live without your heart

Me: and you're still standing

Me: not walking, but standing

Her: Emotionally u can

Her: I'm sitting

Me: your standing

Me: and someday you will walk through walls

Me: [your crush] should not be the defining factor in your life

Me: have some fun

Me: live

Me: be 13 and laugh and smile and never hold back

Her: Idk maybe

Her: But Kaelyn but

Her: Wait for it

Her: "The worst kind of pain is when you're smiling just to stop the tears from falling."

Her: See

Me: than have someone to make you smile

Me: have something that makes you happy enough not to force it

Me: not someone - something

Me: ...never put all your faith into someone else

Her: I can't it's not my personality

Me: you don't know what your personality is until you challenge it to show itself

Me: throw yourself into something, you don't even have to be good at it

Me: art, poetry, dance, song

Her: Idk my life is just..... Idk

Me: or even science, math

Her: one day we'll both look back and I'd be like thank u Kaelyn for getting me out of depression

Me: your life is idk because you're letting it be idk

Me: and I'll be like thank you annie for getting it out of my the first time

Her: Idk what else to let it be bc I'm not feeling anything else

Me: i'm just sharing the knowledge you and the world inadvertently gave me

Me: push your life around

Her: Nice see u learn something new everyday

Me: don't let it push YOU around

Her: Idk how tho that's the problem

Me: take a stand against the wind

Me: do what YOU want

Her: How???

Me: not what valerie wants or april wants or whatever

Me: just you

Her: I can't there's always rules and others u have to think about

Me: others don't think about you

Me: why should you think about them when all you want to do is live

Me: rules are like walls and you can walk through them

Me: push yourself

Me: be the pusher not the pushee

Her: Idk I don't think I'm up for it maybe....

Her: My life was just meant to be this way

Me: thinking like that causes depression, did you know that??

Me: depression is believing you are inherently worthless

Her: Ik

Me: you are as up for it as the sun in space always there but not always seen

Her: But sometimes when I'm sad I just think to myself this way

Her: He he

Me: and your life is not meant to be any way

Her: Idk I'll probably get over this by tomorrow

Her: Let's talk about a happier topic

Me: and then it will be right back where it was the next day, or the next day, or whenever

Me: ugh alright

Her: maybe not u never know

Me: maybe if you don't wait around for it to pick up rather than pick it up yourself

Her: Maybe I'll try

Me: you never need help you just need strength

Me: and alright now i'm done unlocking your strength

Her: Which I don't have at all whether it's physical emotional social or spiritual

Her: Wait what??

Me: It's always there

Me: the strength

Her: Like the sun

Me: always waiting never found, yeah like the sun

Author's Note

The names are changed for the protection of those involved.